Flash Forward
by berrylover1175
Summary: When something in your life fades away what would you do to get it all back. Things get worse before they get better. Contains:Self medicating, Suicide, Character death. Pairings: Brittana, Faberry, mentions of Fabrevans and Klaine.
1. Prologue

I had time I could've just said it back. I could have stayed after our hook ups I could have accepted the random jesters for what they were which was to make me happy, to make me love her back even though I did but in secret.

I never really had regret before I mean I'm Santana fucking Lopez what was there to regret?

But then the car wreck happened I shouldn't have been disagreeing with Brittany, honestly in my head I was totally agreeing with her. We _should_ have been together we _did_ get each other perfectly everything _did_ make since, accept the fact my mom already didn't like how much time I spent with the blonde.

Brit knew how psychotically catholic my mother was, she knew that if I was to come out how hard my life would get. My mom wasn't half as accepting as her parents and my dad was always gone and couldn't fight on my behalf.

If I would have turned my head sooner and seen that ass hole run the red light my heart wouldn't be heavy like it is now.

No one would be visiting me in the hospital; I wouldn't be sobbing every night because of the pain in my head and my heart. I could barely remember what had started the conversation anymore.

"_Sanny" Britt said looking over at me gazing over the top of her slushy cup I had caved and bought her one even though they made me sick, I just tilted my head and smiled at her._

"_Yeah, whats up?" Teenage dream had just went off after we belted it put like pros Glee had really improved both of our voices and our fantasy in Sexy Doctor Carl's office made Brittany much more confident._

"_Why aren't we together?"_

_I glanced over at her and snorted "Uh, B we are for like fifteen more minutes until I drop you off, but then we still have like ten minutes because I have to say hi to your mom and dad"_

_Brittany worried her lip and looked into her cup before mumbling, "That's not what I meant I mean like Kurt and Blaine"_

_I had to do a double take I clutch the wheel tighter and sigh "B, babe we've had this same talk about a hundred times what we do and what we have is perfect it's better…No one will get hurt"_

_Brittany never gets mad at me she usually drops the conversation and starts rambling about how the ducks looked thinner than the last time we fed them and how they have rights but she slammed her cup into the holder sloshing most of it onto my shoes._

"_What the fu- Brit why'd you do that Jesus"_

"_I want to be with you I don't want to hook up anymore I-I" she shook her head I could see the tears I had to swallow the lump forming in my throat "I broke up with Artie because when I was with him or with anyone else I always see you"_

_My cheeks where starting to feel hot like they do when someone really pissed me off but this was Brittany and I couldn't be mad at her she just didn't understand it._

"_My mom B, you know how she is always telling me how big a sin being gay is and how I spend to much time with you and how the world is a lot bigger than Lima how if I would have gotten pregnant like Quinn or if I was gay she'd throw me out to just like Russell did to Q, do you not want me to have a home?" I stopped the car at the light._

_Brittany reached over and took my hand hers were soft but they were a bit clammy like when she got nervous before a big dance routine or a glee thing she took a deep breath "I love you though Sanny, and I know you love me to I just want… us to be a real thing even if it's secret from your mom"_

_Now I was getting pissed I yanked my hand away she just wasn't getting it "Brit damn it cant you see" I said inching the car forward "I _**can't**_ be with you if things were diff-"_

_I've only been in one car wreck in my whole life and it was a fender bender when I got my temps and my dad was teaching me how to drive, this was different. The crunch came from B's side and when my head whipped around I saw the door crush against her, staining her cheerios uniform with an even deeper red instantly it seemed._

_The car rolled over and I watched as she smashed down, I had forgotten to remind her about her seat belt which I've never done since we were five and she informed she always wondered what the rope was for._

_The car rolled again flipping us right back over and now she was on top of me if I could have screamed I would have she looked wrong. It was her neck it had this weird bulge on it we were pushed onto the side of the road I could see a totaled black truck the front end of it totally smashed inward._

"_Brittany" I whispered I could see deep red blood trickling from her mouth onto my skirt, I threw up and after that my world went black._

Beeping was the first thing I heard when I came around. My father had his hand wrapped around mine and was crying softly my mom had her arm around him.

"Water" I said my throat felt like it was on fire and my neck was killing me, my dad's head snapped up "Santana baby" he ran his free hand through my hair as my mother went to fetch a nurse.

He handed me a glass that I sipped at gladly I squinted at how bright it was in the room and I took in my surroundings. There were like a thousand flowers in front of my bed on a small table in all kinds of colors.

The doctor walked in and went straight to the machines I was hooked up to then he looked at me his eyes looked tired and sad "Hi, I'm doctor Carson do you know what day it is?".

He was tall and could have been a Principal Figgins impersonator it was kind of unnerving to look at him.

"No, jackass I just woke up, I'm going to take a guess though it's not Saturday"

"Santana" my mom hissed as my father chuckled next to her.

"No actually it is, your right it's just a week later" my stomach dropped and my mouth started to feel all cottony as I started to get glimpses of what happened last week.

"Where's Brittany" I said eyes shifting over to my father and mother, my dad's eyes dropped to the floor as my mom's filled up with tears she tried to take my hand that I noticed wasn't casted but I snatched it away "Where's Brittany" I repeated.

The Doctor cleared his throat "Well, I'm sorry your friend is-" he paused looking up at my dad who was frantically shaking his head my mother had a tight vise like grip on my dads shoulder.

"Sanny baby Brittany is-" my eyes started to spill over I already knew I wasn't naïve "Gone".

"Get out" I snapped looking everyone in the eyes, the must have been dumb or deaf because the just stood there like I hadn't just said a thing "GET OUT OF HERE".

"I have to check your right arm and your neck is still-"

"Get the hell out of my room" I growled my dad gripped his shoulder and led him out muttering his apologies.

My heart was hammering in my chest I closed my eyes but all I could see was her, how upset I had made her how she was begging with me pleading, and all she wanted was me to return the love she gave me everyday.

"I HATE YOU" I scream up at the ceiling I repeat it over and over again until a nurse comes in and sticks something in my IV then my world fades into the blackness again.

_I'm six years old hand on my hip glaring at a your Noah Puckerman "Take it back" I growl he just rolls his eyes and shakes his head at me, I kick more sand in his face._

_I glance over at Brittany's tear stained face she had her stuffed ducky I won for her clutched to her chest Noah had pulled her off the monkey bars making her cut her knee and get her new shirt all dirty._

"_No way I was jus kiddin' around your crazy" he said standing up getting in my face but I wasn't backing down I shoved him away from me._

"_No I'm _not_ Puckerman say sorry" he shakes his head crossing his arms as I lunge for him._

_My parents weren't to thrilled that I got suspended for three days my mom kept going on about how the Peirce girl would lead me astray if I kept acting up to impress her, but my mom didn't get it._

_I wasn't showing off I just wouldn't take people teasing her or picking on her. I mean what were best friends for anyways?_

When I tried to naturally sleep I would wake up screaming seeing Brittany's body broken pleading with me her body strewn across a road that no matter how hard I ran wouldn't get me closer to her.

I had to be sedated almost my whole hospital stay I was dosed up when everyone visited and offered there condolences. Like they had a clue, what made me feel the worse though was when Lynn, Brittany's mom, came her eyes puffy but she smiled and sat down next to me.

"We're waiting for you to get out before the funeral" her eyes started watering and she patted my hand "She always spoke so highly of you, me and John where always so grateful for how you protected her and you were always there for her we respect you a great deal"

She saw the pain in my eyes I was guessing because she kissed my forehead "We don't blame you"

I started sobbing and she hugged me gently kissing my hairline shushing me and rubbing light circles on my back.

When she pulled back it killed me to look into her eyes, Brittany's eyes, the same sadness she had in them was the same as Brittany's when she died begging.

"I'm so sorry" I whisper she nods and stands stopping at the door way "We always knew… about you and Brittany we were waiting for the day you guys would make it official" she smiled and shook her head leaving me there feeling worse than when she came in.


	2. Chapter 1: This Heart Beats For Only You

**A/n: It Gets Worse BEFORE it gets better :) so these next few chapters are the hard ones trust me it killed me to kill Brits cause I'm kinda obsessed with her but, these things must be done.**

**Thanks for the review it fuels me, that and coffee but whatever. **

**R&R**

**Disclaimer: I don't own glee just this storys idea.**

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Chapter One

This Heart Beats for Only You

The funeral was the hardest part Brittany's dad John asked me to speak but I couldn't because honestly, this was all just a nightmare. In a few seconds I would wake up in my blonde angels arm her showering me with kisses telling me if I didn't leave the house her mom would catch us…. _Again_.

I sat up front with the Peirce family Sasha Brittany's little sister who had just turned eight was sniffling into my shoulder she was going to be tall just like Brittany. It was closed casket her neck was snapped in too many places and her back was beyond fixing. I over heard my mom and dad whispering in the dining room about how the doctors said she died immediately no pain, but how did they know?

The church was beautiful B, would have loved all the stained glass and how it leaked red, yellow, and purple light into the huge church. The pews hurt my back, which was still really bruised. The doctors said I was lucky because I left a serious accident with only a broken arm, whiplash, and a light concussion. But honestly how the fuck was I lucky?

Brittany was buried close to the graveyards pond, so she would always be close to the ducks. I didn't realize how real it was until they started to lower the glossy brown casket into the ground. Quinn and Mercedes held me back because I was ready to dive into that damn hole after her.

No one seemed to _get it_ she was gone like forever, and it was entirely my fault. If I would have just said 'Yes, Brittany I would love to date you behind my mom's back because I'm to much of a scared little pussy to come out and tell them I love you' I probably would have seen that truck, would have been paying attention better attention instead of looking everywhere but at the blonde who I could tell was about to cry, tears I had caused yet again.

Quinn lead me off to the side and wrapped her arms around me burying her head into my shoulder, "I'm so sorry Santana," she whispered over and over again. I shook my head peeling her away from me looking into her eyes.

"Break up with Sam tell her how you feel" I choked up a bit "she might not always be there Quinn".

"But San you know my parents how the feel about-"

"Fuck your parent's Quinn, fuck my parents, fuck everyone's opinion" I got in her face pointing over to where they were now shoveling dirt onto my baby,"Damn it Quinn I had every opportunity in the world to tell her how I felt and it's gone now, and I can't get it back ever" My knees gave out and the water works started full blast but Quinn pulled me back up.

We both knew my mascara was going to ruin her lacy black dress but she didn't seem to mind. She started humming in my ear the song Brittany always sang when the three of us were kids when one of us was crying which just made me sob harder damn Fabray.

The doctors god bless them gave me Prozac to deal with the depression and even though it sucked in the cheering me up process it helped with the fact it made the world so blurry I didn't care that everyone at school was staring at me or that even Coach Sylvester was giving me a break.

"Santana" Quinn said softly gripping my good arm "Are you coming to Glee?" I was dazing off at my locker staring up at the pictures Brittany and me took at the lake how perfect she looked gripping my hand raised high above are heads her face was lit up she looked so happy.

Self medicating was getting me threw I was prescribed One in the morning then I get another at lunch but I took three in the morning then at lunch that one little pill had what it took to re blur the edges if things got into focus again.

I look over at her and shut my locker lightly "Yes" she leads me their head down.

"I thought about what you said at the funer- the other day" I just nod.

"I broke up with Sam I couldn't live without at least trying" when she said that my heart nearly split out of my chest how was I living? Other than this alternate reality I created to manage? What was I going to do manage my whole life, that was going to take a shit load more Prozac I'm going to need some meth or something.

Quinn sighs "I just have no where to go if my parents kick me out again" we were walking into the choir room everyone was already there they all seemed to shift there gaze onto me as we walked in.

"Hey Guys so", Mr. Shuester said awkwardly glancing around at all the crest fallen faces and finally landing on mine. No matter how much everyone reassured me I still felt the guilt on my chest I could still feel everyone looking at me blaming _me._

"Mr. Shuester if I may" Rachel said raising her hand after the man stood there glancing around failing to gather words, I couldn't see how Quinn found her attractive.

_

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Fourteen-year-old Quinn, Brittany and I were sitting on Quinn's couch in her room giggling madly._

"_Okay shut up seriously all I said was he was cute" Quinn said whacking me in the back of the head._

"_Finn Hudson is far from cute he's like giraffe tall" Brittany said giggling into her hands Quinn just rolled her eyes._

"_Whatever at least I'm not all gay like you guys" my face flashed red and Brittany stopped laughing seeing how upset I was._

"_Take it back" I growled clinching my fist together._

_Quinn swallowed "I didn't mean it S, seriously don't take it to heart" she saw how fast things had gotten awkward "Maybe we should just go to bed"._

_Brit and me pulled out our sleeping bags and Quinn pulled pillows and stuff on the floor so she could lay with us. As soon as Brittany closed her eyes she was out snoring and muttering lightly to herself about ducks and candy._

"_San you up?" Quinn whispered from the other side of Brittany I shifted so my head was propped onto my elbow._

"_I didn't mean it can I tell you a secret that you can't tell not a single soul not even God" I rolled my eyes cause God knew everything even secrets but I nodded for her to continue._

"_I only say that stuff because well I" she sighed, "You know that Jewish girl Rachel? Rachel Berry"_

"_Yeah the one you started the slushy war on" I said smirking remembering how satisfying it was to unleash the cup onto her face._

"_I like her and it scares me" her eyes meet mine in the dark and I could see the tears building up "I'm not gay I can't be, in church they say God hates gays and you should hear my daddy"._

_I nod "I know how you feel" I lay my head down as Brittany rolls over and moves closer to me snuggling up to me her back to my front ._

"_I love you San" she sighs before drifting back off._

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"Maybe we should all write down what we loved the best about Brittany and put it into the ballad hat" Mr. Shuester nodded and handed out the paper and pencils. I felt a lump in my throat when he got the hat out.

"This will be totally anonymous guys so write what you need to" Mr. Shuester collected the shreds up and reached his hand in.

I knew everyone's as Mr. Shue read them out, Her smile (Finn), her quirks (Mercedes), her laugh (Tina), her innocence (Sam), her hugs (Puck), her dancing (Mike), her guts (Artie), her voice (Rachel), her constant happiness (Kurt), her randomness (New Girl whose name I could care less about), her friendship (Quinn).

"Everything" Mr. Shuester's eyes flick over to mine but by that time my mind was devoid on everything around me. Quinn placed her hand on my knee and I snapped standing up.

"You guys didn't know there first thing about Brittany," I said before slamming the door behind me wishing the glass had shattered. I knew everyone behind that glass was mocking me laughing even. Laughing about how the crazy girls dumb friend died.

I knew my mom wouldn't be home for another hour so I felt satisfied as the water in the tub filled up stopping it when it was about to over flow let that bitch clean up this mess. My dad had split as soon as I went back to school saying he needed to work to pay off all the medical bills and for all my new prescriptions not to mention _the precious fucking car_.

It was like a light bulb went off in my head, medicine. I about sprinted to the down stairs to the half bath wrenching open the medicine cabinet. My perfect orange bottle sat waiting for me to gulp down three and drift off but another bulb went off and about ten more orange bottles there too. Valiums, Tylenol PM, Xanex, and a boat load of others.

I snatch them all up and take them back up stairs with me I leave the door unlocked and start screwing off the tops to each one lining them up on the tubs ledge. I ease myself into the water and glance around the beige bathroom.

Everything in my life had been like these walls nothing special mediocre even until I met Brittany and now that she's gone and it's my fault what was there to live for? Honestly nothing.

So I swallowed every single one of those pills all Ninety-two of those bitches. Hopefully before I go to hell I get to glimpse my blonde haired angel hopefully god would show me some mercy. I didn't want to wake up.

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Hell was not what I expected actually I think this is more like purgatory because everything's black but I'm conscious and unable to move from this sitting position I'm in. Something white starts buzzing around me I want to swat it but it keeps flying closer and closer until it's right in my face.

Then it starts to get larger and larger until a man is in front of me. Totally decked out in white wings, hair, eyes and everything. I'm not scared though it's like eerie I'm totally calm he reaches out and brushes my hair off my forehead.

"_**I'm your ward"**_ He says his voice echoing in my head because his mouth wasn't moving "_**Santana Maria Lopez, your being given a chance"**_ he waved his hand and an orb appears it's Brittany she has the same white everything as him but she looked sad staring down at this water that surrounded her.

"_**She has been deemed the angel of sorrow"**_ I stare deeper and see the tears trailing down Brittany's face "_**You Can FIX this"**_

I want to nod show somehow I understand, show that I understand I caused this and I 'm ready to face my punishment and carry the weight of the world on my shoulders or drown everyday in those tears.

But suddenly everything is red and then blank nothingness surrounds me.


	3. Chapter 2:When It Rains

**A/N: Twice in one day!**

**_Yes it happened oh I went there_ So enjoy it because now I have to type a whole new chapter but it's worth it for your reviews I swear this story could be like endless so, if theres a certain direction you think it should go suggest it cause I'm writing for you guys**.

**Much Love**

**Disclaim:Don't own glee just this idea**

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Chapter Two

When it Rains

Wandering has never really been my thing, it was more Brittany who wandered I followed to make sure she was safe.

Everything around me was that weird murky red black and everything about me burned. The inside of my nose, my skin, and my organs that I didn't know I had. It was crazy and my legs were tired because I was walking.

Wandering looking for Brittany I've told my legs a million times that she was in a different place. That she was in heaven crying surrounded by an ocean of tears, whilst I was here in hell searching for her smile.

All my brain wanted to process was sad thoughts of Brittany, how broken she had been, and how I needed to find her. Say sorry, something I could never manage when I was alive.

Sometimes I could see the all white man floating near by watching me, I could feel him looking into my head.

Since I couldn't tell time down here (since there was no time I guess) a long time later he stopped me. My legs wanted to collapse but I stood and waited staring at this dude who could change things for me.

"_**Have you thought about my offer Santana Maria Lopez?"**_

It took me a second for my brain to start working again past the thoughts that have been controlling my brain for the time I was here. I nodded since my vocals weren't working still.

He also nodded _**"You've been granted a pardon, God is forgiving" **_I nod again and he continues "_**Brittany Susan Peirce has spoke upon your behalf, she has offered her soul for yours".**_

If I could have gasped I would have I shake my head frantically trying to convey that wasn't going to happen, she died naturally she was good I offed myself I as much as I hate to admit it I deserved this fate. He chuckles, which further pisses me off.

"_**Brittany Susan Peirce said if given the chance you would save her somehow" **_We stop and finally relief is given to my legs as I collapse in front of him "_**You fail to save her you both will be in Hell, no more chances"**_

I nod my throat stops burning my voice finally returned "Will I remember anything? Will she?"

"_**You will remember but slowly you will forget the more the time gets closer, Brittany Susan Peirce will remember nothing" **_

He disappears but I still had more questions for him about Brittany and how would I forget? My walking resumes and my heart fills back up with the same dread. But now I was walking toward something with purpose. The white engulfs me.

/

"Okay, second of all. I'm not making out with you because I'm in love with you and want to sing about making lady babies. I'm only here because Puck's been in the slammer for about 12 hours now, and I'm like a lizard. I need something warm beneath me, or I can't digest my food" my hands stop putting my ponytail up letting it fall back around my shoulders and I look around Brittany's floral room taking in everything. I whip around and look at Brittany's sad face and nearly knock us off the bed I lunge at her so hard wrapping my arms around her.

"Ugh, San I can't breath"

I laugh and kiss her all over her face tears start running down my face she returns the hug.

"Santana why are you crying? We don't have to if you don't want seriously"

"No, we can sing whatever you want, anything we could sing the gay pride anthem if you want"

She laughs and my heart nearly leaps out of my chest at that sound the only time I was ever mushy was around Brittany.

"I love you" I repeat like a thousand times her lips finally meet hers and it was perfect everything thing I missed the softness, the taste of cotton candy lip smackers, how she sighs when she gets excited.

"What about Puck? And you know your mom? Are you only doing this because you want to have sex again, because that's fine I guess" I shake my head and laugh kissing the tip of her nose.

"No I need to go before my mom freaks, but we can sing it if you want I don't care Breadstix with you would be beyond amazing" her face lights up and she stands and wraps her arms around me.

"And B?"

"Yeah Sanny"

"We can be official" she picks me up off the floor and starts bouncing around I wince my arm starts throbbing like a reminder that I need to do this right, my thoughts as of right now were drifting back toward the bed. I unlatch myself and kiss her again before leaving. Her mom smiles knowingly at me and John waves bye.

Seeing my little red mustang was crazy I walk over and run my hand over the passenger side. Climbing in I rest my head on the steering wheel as a few stray tears run down my face.

My mom was sitting at the table doing a cross word when I walked in, "Where've you been mija?"

I go to say Quinn's like I usually do but something stops me "Brittany's" my mom's eyes snap up "Santana you were there yesterday too you know what I think about the Peirce family they give that girl to much freedom, liberal Catholics" she shakes her head and starts back at her puzzle.

She looks up at me when she still see's me standing there "Is the something else?" I want to say yes but I'm not ready to pack my bags so I just shake my head and go up to my room.

Which brings back the beige wall theory I had before I died, maybe I need to paint now that my life was about to get crazy like a bright neon color or something purple since that's B's favorite color.

I look over at my vanity at all the pictures of us from five to Sixteen. Through the missing teeth and bruises Brittany had been there for me, my eyes fall onto a notebook open on my desk and an idea pops into my head.

So I don't forget I would write down everything I remembered about the accident then it'll never happen and well never go to the park or anything we'll just avoid the whole situation.

As I lay down I fall into my first nightmare free slumber.

The notebook turns white then dims.


	4. Chapter 3: Never Let This Go

**A/N: Hey Guys Chapter three anyone? So yesterday I like cranked out like 5 chapters but I'm withholding them :) cause I'm mean like that. My internet went out too or this would have been posted like a lot sooner**. _**Damn Snow**_.**Also I guess i should continue with my let rant here but I'm going to warn you. Usually when I read Fics I skip over like the song part but I wrote stuff in between the lyrics so be warned it's not much but you might have to go back and re-read if you just skip so, I'd advise you to just suck it up and deal with Melissa's song.  
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**Disclaim: Don't own Glee or anyone associated with it sorry if I've misled you.**

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Chapter Three

Never let this go

Fist thing I want to do when Brittany slides into the passenger seat is totally ravage her, but then I notice her dad waving from their front porch and I smile and speed off.

"B, your seat belt"

She reaches behind her and pulls the belt over her smiling "Thanks Sanny so" she trails off and smiles at me again "Are we singing it today?"

I keep my eyes planted toward the road driving under the speed limit by five. I thought about this last night to whether singing this song was such a stellar idea, how much it would change my path.

"B, what if I sing with Wheezy and you sing with like I don't know Quinn or something anyone… well but Artie" If looks could kill I'd be dead…Again. Brittany's never glared at me before but the heat she was sending me right now was about to burn my face. So I guess I wasn't getting out of this one.

"I was just kidding Jesus Brit Brit, calm down" her face lifts again and she smiles "I knew you were San" she laughs and turns the radio up.

I pull in next to Quinn's Grey compact piece of shit car, she got after baby gate was born since her parents wouldn't fund her other than feeding her and a place to stay and a smile creeps onto my face maybe I could help her too, with her whole Berry issue.

Then I remember I was still pissed at Quinn for knocking me to the bottom of the pyramid, some how I needed to get her to apologize so things became natural again, I wasn't apologizing since it's her fault, not my fault she has a big ass mouth right?

"Santana why are you making that face" I glance over at her as I reach in the back for my book bag "It makes you look all wrinkly like my grandma"

"Just thinking B, lots on my mind" she smiles and gently kisses me erasing my mind from everything but her lips, I pull back smirking "I love you"

She smiles and opens the door springing out of the car skipping toward the school doors expecting me to catch up.

My thoughts were racing trying to remember everything that would have happened today if I didn't decide to sing with B, I would be asking Mercedes to sing with me, but I also remember that in the end Sam and Quinn win a little fact that I plan to sabotage.

I strut up to Quinn's locker with purpose head held high "Q, we need to talk" I say leaning against the locker next to hers glaring at a group of freshmen before they disappear. Soon a small spread out crowd starts to gather near us expecting another Lopez-Fabray throw down.

"I don't have time for this Santana" She slams her locker and tries to brush me off but I grab onto her she flinches expecting me to hit her or something.

"I just want to talk meet me in the locker room ten minutes after first bell rings" She looks over my face trying to see insincerity finding none she walks off. Everyone shuffles around disappointed for a minute before my glare makes them disappear.

The test I had failed in Social Studies before was about to be an A fucking plus because I remembered all of the wrong answers I think this was kind of abusing my privilege but it's not cheating if I already knew the answer, right?

"Ms. Tirol may I use the restroom" I say laying my test onto her desk putting on my sweetest face she looks up at me then the clock seeing only a few minutes have passed.

"You won't pass if you just guess your way through Ms. Lopez," She says thrusting the bathroom pass at me and snatching my test up looking over it. I wanted to skip to the locker rooms but that may mess up my reputation.

Quinn had her legs crossed sitting on a bench by the showers glancing at the time on her cell phone "Can we make this quick I have to get back to Math" I nod and sit next to her. We both sit there awkwardly I see she's not going to back down so I swallow my pride.

"I'm sorry I smacked you and said all those stupid things in the hallway" her eyes narrow but I press on " but I have to tell you something really important and as much as I hate to say it you're my best friend"

She rolls her eyes "No Brittany is what are you getting at Santana?"

"Me and Brittany are doing our duet today and we're possibly doing the gayest song ever written but I'm doing it because I realized she may not always be around or something might happen and it got me thinking, about like life and stuff then you popped into my head so" I sigh this may be a make it or break it point I could see Quinn looking at me sizing me up " Why don't you try and duet with Rachel".

Quinn shot up like I had burned her ass "No way you've lost your freaking mind Lopez" she goes to try and storm out but I yank her back "Quinn think about it how would you feel if she died tomorrow and you never told her how you felt?"

"She's with Finn now and I'm about to be with Sam happily ever after" I shake my head she didn't get it, damn Mr. Fabray for brainwashing her.

"How would it be happy? And for who Q?"

I drop her arm away from me and hug her she's tense in my arms "High school isn't forever Quinn people won't always judge you for who you love" then I walk out looking back at her confused face before the door closes softly.

I think talking about Man hands was making me as dramatic and soft as her; I sat down in my desk and looked over at Finn whose eyes were glazing over staring at his test. Quinn would be much better for Treasure trail anyway.

By the time Glee actually rolls around Brittany's nervously bouncing her leg up and down and my hands are sweating slightly. I glance around to see if everyone else is matched up.

Quinn is chewing on her lip sitting off to the side by herself glancing from Sam to Rachel probably contemplating everything I had said earlier. But before I can dwell on that fact Brittany's standing up "Mr. Shue me and Santana wanna go first please"

My stomach had so many butterflies in it I thought I was going to puke but then before I had time to Brittany was starting the song off.

_Of the moon_

_Come to my window_

_I'll be home soon_

_I would dial the numbers_

_Just listen to your breath_

_I would stand inside my hell_

_And hold the hand of death_

_You don't know how far I'd go_

_To ease this precious ache_

_You don't know how much I'd give_

_Or how much I can take_

My Part was coming up I glanced over a Brittany at her gigantic smile and that's all I needed to push myself. I stand up and just close my eyes letting everything go into the song, every emotion I had for B, right there in these words.

_Just to reach you_

_Just to reach you_

_Just to reach you_

Finally both of our voices meshed together and it was awesome I couldn't even see anyone else's face as we sang together.

_Come to my window_

_Crawl inside, wait by the light_

_Of the moon_

_Come to my window_

_I'll be home soon_

_Keeping my eyes open_

_I cannot afford to sleep_

_Giving away promises_

_I know that I can't keep_

_Nothing fills the blackness_

Quinn was smiling too eyes locked onto mine I smiled back and winked at her she just nodded tapping her foot singing along with us. My solo part was coming up.

_That has seeped into my chest_

_I need you in my blood_

_I am forsaking all the rest_

_Just to reach you_

_Just to reach you_

_Oh to reach you_

_Come to my window_

_Crawl inside, wait by the light_

_Of the moon_

_Come to my window_

_I'll be home soon_

_I don't care what they think_

_I don't care what they say_

_What do they know about this?_

_Love anyway_

Brittany reached for my hand and ran her thumb over the back of my hand I could see the realization clicking onto everyone's face but I didn't care anymore because Brittany was swaying next to me getting into the music.

_Come to my window_

_Crawl inside, wait by the light_

_Of the moon_

_Come to my window_

_I'll be home soon._

Quinn started the clapping everyone lightly clapped to glancing at each other confused except for the kids who were in on the whole 'sex isn't dating thing', Mr. Shuester stepped forward and patted me on the back I take B's pinky and walk to our seats in the back.

Brittany leans over and lightly kisses my cheek and I blush still not used to being out in front of people, well technically were not out since we didn't say anything but I think this is close enough.

"Good job girls that was very… interesting I think you have a shot at the Breadstix certificate for sure" Mr. Shuester said smiling I just roll my eyes.

Kurt smile was about to split his face in half seeing that he wasn't going to be the only target anymore, which in turn made me very nervous. Not so much for me because I'd whoop some ass to stand up for me and Brittany, but Brittany on the other hand wouldn't hurt a fly, which I found endearing and aggravating at the same time.

The bell rings and everyone glances over at us one more time before leaving B slips off with her arm wrapped around Quinn's. Kurt hangs back though and falls into step with me.

"So you two are like an item now?" he asked I just shrug and stop at my locker which he also stops next to "I'm proud of you I could always tell you were an repressed lesbian as soon as I met you in fourth grade it explained all the rage" he was about to experience said rage if he didn't shut up but he ignored my glare and continued on.

"You and Brittany are so cute together and if I do say so myself-" I held up my hand cutting him off "Will you shut the fuck up seriously" He takes a step back from me.

"We're not going to be skipping down the hall with a fucking rainbow pride flag I'm still keeping this on the down low I'm just doing it so Brittany would be happy and shut up about it" His gaze kept shifting over my shoulder and I knew from watching all those chick flicks with Quinn what was going to happen when I turned around, a slap to the face and a streak of blonde stomping off.

Couldn't have been more wrong because instead of my tall Blonde I was looking down at Quinn's midget who had this crazy glint in her eye. She turned on her heel and stalked away.

I had a hell of a time catching up with her, I guess being a dwarf made it easier to get through the crowd, I nearly carried her into the nearest bathroom and shoved her into the handicapped stall slamming and locking the door behind me. Crossing my arms over my chest I glare down at her.

I'll give her credit where it's do she had a pretty even stare with me but as the circumstances were I wasn't in the mood for Berry to get ballsy with me, people might think I'm going soft.

"If any of that gets repeated to anyone and back to Brittany I will make sure your slushied every day for the rest of your life" I growl she still has that even stare though and I go to cock my fist back but she holds her hands up defensively.

"Santana I want to assure you that I intended not to reiterate anything you were speaking to Kurt about, in fact I was on my way to speak with you myself when I happened to accidently over hear what you said to Kurt and though it was insensitive to your friend or should I now say girlfriends feelings, I don't plan on messing up your new relationship with Brittany I find it incredibly brave of you two" I wandered if this chick ever took a breath when she talked because she was still talking my ear off when I open the stall door and walk over to the sink.

Some shit about her dad's and the ACLU or something like that I don't know, what I did know I was late for cheerios so suicides were the only thing on my agenda for the day. Berry follows me all the way out to the fields, she's lucky I let her get that far with me. It's worth it though when I spot Quinn a worried look on her face; probably assuming I told man hands about how gay Quinn was for her.

But that would come much later, if Quinn didn't beat me to the punch first that is.


	5. Chapter 4: Feeling Sorry

**A/n: hey guys thanks for reading there starting to get just a tad longer than some of the first ones I noticed thanks for all the awesome reviews they really help me keep going. I really liked writing this one so I hope you enjoy. DID anyone else read that article about the future of brittana and want to slap hemo? or was it just me? Cause I used to be all about hemo but I'm about to jump some serious ship on to Naya. Ok author rant over.  
**

**Disclaimer: Not affiliated with Naya Rivera or Heather Morris, Don't own glee or the charters from the show. sadly.**

**/**

Chapter Four

Feeling Sorry

So I went home to write down what I changed so far this week and I swear I flipped that stupid notebook cover to cover a thousand times before realizing that the entire thing was blank even my Chemistry notes were gone.

My heart plummeted this was going to be my guide through the months that led up to this summer. I needed to remember the intersection Waycross and Vine, I wrote it all over the place now I noticed binders, Text Books, I had 30 documents on my laptop with just that copied and pasted over and over. It made me think I was losing my mind.

Which was pretty bad because I was already starting to forget things about the crash and things that happened before it like, Kurt transferring, Brittany and wheels getting together (Which hopefully I avoided with Tuesdays antics), and as my phone vibrated the biggest thing yet Puck getting out of Juvie next week. It's going to be awkward when he gets out and realizes he isn't getting any from me, like ever.

It somehow got around school that Brittany and me was an item of sorts (Kurt or Stubbles I presumed spilled the beans), so now I could here people gossiping about 'those gay cheerleaders'. Which is weird because people knew about us like hooking up and shit but now things were different I guess.

I was suspended for four days today for busting this hockey player's lip for calling Brittany a dumb dyke when she told him she couldn't go out with him because of me, but my mom wasn't home when I got there and I erased old Figgins message so now I had four days to relax while trying to hide from my mom who got off of work at two most days.

At first I thought this break would be great I just slept in woke up around twelve left at One Forty and drove around for awhile stopping at the library sometimes to do a little research on all kinds of things, hey I'm no nerd but I had bigger plans than Lima.

Lately I've found myself waking up somewhere I didn't go to sleep and my mom caught me sleep walking she said she thought I got up for a glass of Milk or something but when she came to check on me I was just up wandering around. She's been telling me constantly how weird I've been acting lately, usually finding a way to blame the Pierces.

So in all irony I found myself in Doctor Carson's office with him asking me about my anxiety problems. Guess my mom had noticed how I get nervous at stoplights and how I jump when something loud happens, the sleepwalking was the last straw I guess.

"She's just been acting so strange lately, very out of character" my mother said looking at me with a critical eye, looking me up and down like she could figure it just by looking. She had no idea.

That's how I found myself with Prozac I refused to take, I would put on a show of taking it but would just spit it out as soon as my mom turned her back, I needed to be focused not blurred out. I needed some Aderall or something, something that would keep my head in the game.

I never thought much of thieves, my dad's a doctor so I pretty much got what I wanted without much of a struggle. Stealing from Brittany was even lower on my things to-do but I knew for a fact that girl had a file cabinet dedicated to all her ADHD medicine that she forgot to take quite frequently. So when I took a few it went very unnoticed by the blonde.

"San, can I ask you something?"

I nod so she continues "Lately you've been looking at me weird, kinda like how my cat looks at me after reading my diary really jumpy" I laugh but then I see how serious her face is, I bight my lip.

"What do you mean B, since I can't see my own faces I'm making at you your going to have to give me more details" she sighs leaning back against her pillows I crawl up next to her so I'm flush against her wrapping my arm around her.

"Well sometimes you look like blank then you'll tear up like you're about to cry then you get blank again it's weird. Have you been smoking pot again? I thought we agreed that we wouldn't do that anymore" considering how few brain cells she had anyway it was a good pact on her part mine not so much.

"Uhm, no B I'm not I just I don't know" I shrug "I guess schools just stressing me out and cheerios holding the pyramid up isn't easy, I'm trying to hook Q up with Stubbles though" this gets her attention she leans up and raises an eyebrow.

"Quinn and Rachel? Quinn told me that never in a million years would she go out with Rachel. I didn't think it's been that long yet," she said with a confused look.

"Well it has so are you going to help me or not lovely?"

She nods and bites her lip "But what if Rachel doesn't like Quinn, she has gone out with a lot of guys, well not a lot like me and you but she's been with Puck, Finn, Mr. Shuester's son that's a lot kind of"

"Brittany Quinn is Quinn she's really pretty no one could say no to her she's a catch if we can get her to be nice to Rachel, there's no way Rachel could say no to Quinn" Brittany's face wasn't to happy anymore though I frown confused.

"What, what's wrong? Do you not like my plan"?

She shakes her head and looks over to a picture of us when we were little like eight or something, "Do you think Quinn's prettier than me" me and my dumb mouth I jump up so she can see my face "No, B that's not what I was trying to say I meant-"

"But you said no one could say no that usually means everyone even you doesn't it and you even said she was pretty"

I think fast I hate when I made Brittany insecure "Well Brittany, Quinn has nothing on you" I slide my hand up her leg "You're an amazing dancer Quinn couldn't even dream of moving like you" next I brush my hand through her hair she loves that kind of touchy feely stuff "And Quinn is a bitch most the time where as your sweet and nice to everyone even the losers who don't deserve your time".

I have her smiling now I brush my lips lightly over hers "And Quinn doesn't make me crazy like you do".

Brittany smiles and pushes her lips harder against mine; yes I'm just that good.

/

I watch from the bleachers as Brittany talks to Quinn, hopefully Brit remembers what we had rehearsed in the car this morning. Quinn laughs and I smile good if all goes well by the time Monday rolls around Quinn will be over her gay panic I'd be damned if me and Brit were the only gay kids in school after Kurt leaves next week.

We were at our early morning Saturday practice, it sucked that I was suspended until Tuesday, it sucked Brittany woke me up at six o'clock this morning to drive her ass here, it sucked I was in jeans and a slouchy off the shoulder tee shirt and not my red cheerios uniform. What sucked the most though was I'd still rather be wrapped around Brittany on her bed.

After they run and get warmed up they go through the national routine which I wouldn't have minded it was really good and Coach Sylvester gave Brittany some really great solo parts, but since I was now at the bottom of the pyramid I was also in the back out of sight with the freshmen.

When they were done I wait for Brittany outside of the locker room doors part of my suspension was I was aloud nowhere near the school not that I listened but I wasn't about to push my luck. Quinn waves at me as she leaves Brittany following behind her texting a million words a minute.

"Who you talking to baby" I say grabbing her gym bag from her, she was just wearing a pair of jeans, a white V- neck, and brown Uggs I think she looked best like this. "Well I was inviting Rachel to hang out with us today but she's not sure".

Sometimes things Brittany says shock me, I can deal with her talking about how mermaids reproduce, Gay dolphins and how her cat does all these crazy things even though she's allergic to cats and doesn't have one but this took the cake right here.

"That wasn't part of the plan Brittany first off and why do you have Berry's phone number?" she shrugs and continues texting as we walk out to my car.

"Hello earth to Brittany, at least tell me what we're doing today" she continues to ignore me as we start toward the backstreets leading to her house. Main roads and me don't quite agree anymore.

"Sanny, take a left here" Brittany says finally acknowledging me I do as I'm told and she steadily gives me directions until were in front of a smallish yellow house with a nice little garden and had a well manicured lawn. Brittany gets out and I follow her up the pathway leading to the front door.

Brittany rings the bell and not even twenty seconds later it's flung open by a very skeptical looking Berry. Brittany smiles "Hi, Rachel see I told you Santana wanted to come".

That was a lie Brittany knew that if I had known where we were going we wouldn't be here right now. I had a feeling she was leading me into certain doom, I'm so freaking whipped. I grin and bear it though following Treasure trail up the steps to her room it wasn't hard to guess which one was hers though with the big ass gold star on the door.

I've seen her room when we used to watch and comment on her MySpace videos but if I was going to be honest it wasn't half as bad as I thought it would be. In the videos all we could see was the pink wall but she only had one pink wall the rest were a pale yellow. She didn't have hundreds of stuffed animals like I had suspected she would but she did have a lot of pictures.

While her and Brittany talked I looked at them. Most were of her as a kid at dance recitals and plays but there were a lot from glee to, our year book picture with all of us smiling holding the sign and the one of us at sectionals last year hands raised above are heads with our trophy all of us looked ecstatic. I could hardly wait to sing Valerie this year, but I had to bid my time of course had to let Shuester decide to let me sing it.

"San did you hear me?" Brittany said I looked over my shoulder at them both sitting on Rachel's bed now I shook my head no "I said we all should go to the park or something and talk show her we're not out to get her".

"No anywhere but the park" I say stomach dropping like every time she suggested going to the park her face fell but Rachel saved me "how about we go to the shopping center I could use some new clothes?" I smile gratefully at her and agree that sounded like a much better idea.

/

"See San I told you she wasn't that bad" Brittany says smugly as soon as we dropped Rachel off. Berry had refused every article of clothing I showed her sticking with old lady sweaters and those damn knee-highs.

"What ever she still talked way to much and her fashion sense makes me want to throw up, but I guess she wasn't that bad, this doesn't mean were going to like talk to her at school" she just shrugs making me roll my eyes again. She reaches over and adjust the radio just as teenage dream comes on she smiles "You're my teenage dream Santana" I laugh and turn it up as the first verse starts to play.

There was a screech off to my right and then a sickening crunch of metal against metal that sounded all too familiar.


	6. Chapter 5: Brick by Boring Brick

**A/n:Early update enjoy.**

**Disclaim"I Dont own glee  
**

* * *

Chapter Five

Brick by Boring Brick

I had to pull off to the side of the road I was sobbing so hard, Brittany was rubbing circles around my back telling me it was okay it had just been a fender bender, that it wasn't even our car it happened to.

I never really cry in front of people this is why, I hate being comforted makes me feel like a weakling. I wipe my eyes and straighten up I look over just to make sure Brittany is still sitting there fully intact, no broken goods. She was just sitting there fine with a worried expression on her face.

I look over where a giant black dude was cussing at some little teen hipster with super tight skinny jeans on who had rammed into the back of his car. I took a few deep breaths "B will you drive please? I-I can't right now" she nods and we switch sides. I remembered how shocked I was when Brittany had gotten her license; she had gotten a perfect score on the written test and on the driving part too. I had to take my test three times before I had gotten my license.

"Brittany your seat belt" I remind her before we take off.

Even though she got a good score she still drove a little wild which made me even more nervous. We arrive at her house though alive thank goodness, her mom meets us at the door "Hey girls come into the kitchen I need to talk with you."

We follow her into kitchen where she gives each a cookie and a glass of milk she sits across from us at the kitchen table sighing and looking at each of us "Okay girls I'm going to be blunt" Brittany's eyes get wide and I shake my head trying to signal she didn't mean that kind of blunt.

"Since Brittany told me on Friday you two were dating officially, finally if I may add I've been thinking and I need to set a few rules" I internally groan I really hate rules "I think that an open door policy needs to be implicated and I don't think it's a great idea for you two to be here alone intentionally with out me or Johnathan here if it happens it happens but don't plan it".

Brittany looked confused "But if the door was open wouldn't you hear us having-" I kick her under the table; I don't think my face has ever been so red in my entire life the cookie I was given lay on the table forgotten.

"And it's not like I can get pregnant Sans a girl mom didn't you know that" now Lynn was blushing too "I know she is Brittany dear, its just I don't think either of you are ready for sex at least not at this age your only sixteen I just don't want you guys to jump into it if your not even sure about your feelings" I drop my eyes to the floor nodding but Brittany still looks confused.

"Just respect those rules okay, I guess on Fridays when you stay over Santana you can shut the door but only right before bed okay? See I can compromise" she smiles and stands up "I'm sorry I embarrassed you guys with all this talk, just remember what I said" she leaves us at the kitchen table me still blushing and sputtering nonsense.

Brittany giggles and takes my hand leading me toward her room "We can still make out right? Without breaking the door open policy?" I nod but right now I wasn't really in the mood to do anything I kind of just went through the motions while my mind was somewhere else, actually I was trying to remember what color that damn car that hit us was but I was struggling was it Blue or Black and was it even a fucking car. I guess I wasn't being to subtle cause Brittany pulled back eyebrows furrowed.

"Am I not turning you on or something? You're not really doing anything, your not being as rough as usual," she says sitting up crossing her arms over her chest.

I shake my head "No, it's not you its me I'm having a weird day" she lays back down and runs her fingernails over my scalp trying to relax me.

"Yeah I guess that's my fault, dragging you to Cheerios practice and Rachel's house and you woke up super early maybe we should take a nap"

"Oh, B it's not your fault seriously it's me but yes a nap sounds awesome right now just keep doing what your doing we'll make out roughly later promise" she smiles and continues rubbing her nails through my hair.

"San, hey Santana hello? Wake up! Stop please?" My eyes flutter open and I trip over Brittany's book bag that was in the middle of her floor. I rub where I hit my head on the ground.

"Oh, shit Brittany I'm sorry I was sleepwalking. Did I scare you?" she nods and I walk over to where she's sitting on the edge of her mattress wrapping my tan arms around her pale.

"You were talking about scary stuff San"

"Like what baby I'm sorry" I kiss her shoulder but she just shrugged me off of her.

"Like death and stuff and you kept mumbling about suicide it was freaky I was about to go get my mom"

I could have kicked myself I needed to get my head in check before I let something from the future slip out and mess everything up between me and Brittany, "I'm sorry I was having a nightmare I won't let it happen again" I hold out my pinky she stares at it before taking it in hers and pulling me closer to her laying down.

"You still owe me from earlier Ms. Lopez" I smile and lean in to pick up were we last left off making sure I was focused on her and only her.

* * *

I studied myself in the mirror in my bathroom making sure everything was zipped up and in the right place. It was finally Tuesday and I couldn't have been happier I missed school and all the extra time I got to spend with Brittany.

Quinn called as I was heading out "What do you want Q" yeah I'm not really a morning person.

"My cars not starting and my dad wont give me a jump because last night I was up past ten so I was wandering if you could just come get me"

I snort "Wow Quinn you're a wild woman up past ten on a school night. I'll be there in five okay"

I climb into my car and pull my seatbelt on taking a few deep breaths before turning the starter when an Idea hit me I pulled out my black berry and scrolled down to the B's "Hey do you need a ride? Tell them you don't need one I'll come and get you, yup see you in twelve minutes or less okay."

I hang up smirking alls fair in love and war.


	7. Chapter 6: CrushCrushCrush

**A/N: I love the response this story is getting out of people seriously it pumps me up. Class and work has been kicking my ass so I wont be updating propbably until monday :( sorry I know it sucks it sucks for me too.**

**I'm thinking of ending this at ten chapters then doing a part two cont. the story from wherever it ends.**

**so enjoy**

**disclaim: Yeah you already know. Glee=not mine.  
**

Chapter six

CrushCrushCrush

Today was they day I could feel it I was going to get in my good points with the all white dude that would help me save Brittany in the end. Hooking up Quinn and Berry was the icing on the cake I think.

Okay yeah, the thought of them together like together-together like me and Brit makes me want to hurl my breakfast but if it makes Q hate her life a little less then it was worth it. See how I see it is when I want alone time with Brittany and Quinn's blowing up my phone for attention talking about much she hates life, her dads sucks, her moms an alcoholic, blah blah blah I can send her Rachel's way to talk about her feelings. Lord knows that girl can talk.

So as Quinn was bitching about how we were going to be late to school how I should have picked up people before I got her I maintained a calm smile, because the moment Berry bustled out of her house Q's face was absolutely epic. She like got this O shape on her mouth it was awesome.

"Santana I thought you said you would be here in fifteen its exactly twenty minutes later and I now run the risk of messing up my perfect attendance I've been maintaining since-" then her mouth made the little O to. My grin couldn't have gotten wider.

She nodded at Quinn who in turn nodded back and a super awkward silence settled over the car I had to break the silence somehow. I mean Rachel was in the back staring out the window and Q was shooting darts at me with her eyes it was tough.

"So, Quinn have you decided who you were going to do a duet with today? Considering it's the last day. Now that Sam's sung with Kurt your kind of out of options huh" I say smiling sweetly at Quinn watching Rachel's reactions in the rearview.

"And Rachel you and Finn haven't sang yet what our you two planning on doing?" Knowing what I knew that they would throw the competition this might be the perfect opportunity to hook these two up.

"Well, as of late me and Finn decided that we would try and get new partners since we can't do every song together and since everyone but Finn, Quinn, and I have gone that means one of us would have to sing alone and though I was more than willing to do a performance on my own I'd be more than willing to do a song with you Quinn, of course if you don't mind" Rachel said looking eagerly at Quinn.

Quinn was killing me seriously it took all my self-control not to burst out laughing at the faces she was making she looked like a freaking fish out of water. I looked over at her and started nodding and she followed suit.

"Great we'll run over it at lunch it may be a bit loose but I think we'll do great" Quinn smiled and nodded turning to look out the window forehead pushed against the glass.

I pulled into my spot and let Rachel get out first after she told me how nice it was for me to give her a ride and yada yada. Quinn stared at me for a few minutes before finally opening her mouth just to close it angrily.

"Santana I appreciate what your trying to do but I really wish you would save it, chances are Finn and Rachel are going to be together until after high school they're going to go and get married have a million kids and live happily ever after" her jaw clinches and she shakes her head "Don't put me through that kind of heart ache,

Please?"

She slams the door before stalking off toward the school glaring at anyone who got into a 5-mile radius of her. I put on my steering wheel and think for a minute I know it was my first day back I think I'm going to bail on first bell.

I know things about me and Finn aren't suppose to come out for another two weeks when we had sectionals but it seemed in order to break up the two love birds I'd have to be drastic. So I guess drastic was what I was going to be.

I dropped the bomb during the only class I had with Berry which was English this time though I was conscientious of her feelings, so I wouldn't get chewed out in front of the class I mean I just got back I didn't feel like getting re- suspended for cleaning Berry's clock.

"_Rachel_" I probably repeated myself a hundred times before the brunette whipped around with a finger to her lips scowling at me. I roll my eyes, I wouldn't be able to deal with this nerd.

"_I need to talk to you" _now the teacher was shooting me looks "_after class, I need to talk to yo-"_

"Ms. Lopez we are all well aware you need to talk to Ms. Berry after class if you please, may I continue?" I purse my lips and glare back cocking my chin up nodding.

The stupid teacher ended up holding us after two minutes because of my 'shenanigans' so Rachel was a bit rushed to get to her next class in an on time manner.

"Rachel" I kind of stumble over the name because I never say it but I thought at least using her real name would be a good starting place that and a smile that didn't resemble a grimace and/or a scowl.

She looks over at me and returns the smile so I press on, "Since I'm trying this whole 'nice' thing I think as a fr-fr-friend I need to tell you something kind of important".

"Okay? Continue then because you see at this rate I'm going to be late anyway, so I might as well take the time to listen to what you have to say"

I just nod trying to kick myself to say it, see I know I'm a bad ass and I portray this total kick ass take no names bitch but I mean I had a heart, and as of late it's been a little over active I think this was my last good deed for a while.

"Well, please don't blame Brittany, especially not Quinn or any of the other glee kids this was me and Finn's misstep and I don't want drama so close to sectionals" I could tell she was starting to see this was kind of a big deal because her smile was slipping by the minute.

"I'm just going to say it I guess, me and Finnocence last year hooked up like got down and dirty, Horizontal, did the between the sheets mumbo and he's been lying to you"

I think I should have just slapped her, because as soon as the words tumbled out of my mouth her face totally drops and she starts to tear up.

"I'm sorry"

She just nods and try's to smile even though the tears are starting to fall "I respect that you told me, but I don't really want to be around you right now"

I nod and make my way toward the library since this was my study bell anyways, my chest felt a little heavy and I was actually truly sorry for the first time that I did it.

/

"You're a bitch you know that?" Finn storms up to me at my locker right before Glee, I can tell he's pissed but right now that flash of red and rage was over taking me he said the six words I hated the most to me.

"Who the fuck do you think your talking to? Cause I think you may be a little confused, maybe you didn't see I'M Santana FREAKING LOPEZ and your looKing for some else to throw your BITCH fit on"

His chest puffs out and he points over his shoulder down the hall toward the Choir room being way over dramatic about it" Do you know Rachel's bawling her eyes out right now because _'someone'_ told her that we slept together".

I roll my eyes throwing my hands up "We did sleep together amigo though you've been _lying, _to the girl you supposedly love? Wow Finn way to show your commitment she shouldn't have found out the way she did from a friend that's a real shit way to find something out I know, because I went through it with Puck and Quinn last year"

His face was red but he was laughing actually like clutching his gut doubling over, "Your not Rachel's friend don't trick yourself into thinking your this good person now everyone's seen over the last few weeks how **SOFT **YOU'VE BEEN GOING"

"I'm not deluding myself on anything I actually can kind of deal with… wait" I hold my hand up and raise an eyebrow "Soft?"

I love when Mr. Shuester breaks up Glee fights because it guarantees no ones going to get in trouble. See as I was beating the shit out of Finn I guess I generated quite a bit of attention from the few stragglers getting to Glee.

Tina ran to tell Mr. Shuester as Puck tried to yank me off of Finn who wouldn't hit me back as much as I screamed in his face to. Sometimes I let my adrenaline get the best of me. I did take an elbow to the eye as he tried to protect himself, which just fanned the flames.

The whole thing led to Mr. Shue yelling at us earlier than Sectionals telling us this isn't how we were suppose to act, families didn't do this, and how we were only tearing ourselves apart. The good thing though was Brittany was tending at my wounds fussing over my eye and stuff so Shue was tuned out in my head.

"You guys just go on home and _Seriously _think about how you've been treating people and each other because right now I feel like I don't know you guys" Mr. Shuester looks at us before grabbing his man bag and leaving letting us all sit in silence in the choir room.

Mike and Tina were the first to go after that everyone trickled out until all that was left was the unholy trinity.

"I don't know about you anymore Santana" Quinn said shaking her head "You've seriously changed, your treating people different and your whole demeanor is just off" she seriously looks hurt and confused.

I look down at the floor as Brittany rubs the pad of her thumb over my hand "What happened to you? You used to be the girl who didn't bring other peoples feelings into the picture, the girl who slushied anyone just for showing up to school a day you didn't want to see them, the girl who just _didn't care_" Quinn whispers before getting up and leaving us alone in the room that seemed to be shrinking in on me.

Brittany wraps her arms around my shoulders snuggling her head into the crook of my neck before grabbing my hand and leading me to my car.


	8. Chapter 7: Brighter

**A/N: I'm seriously struggling with chapter eight so anything you want to see happen just tell me. Okay on the faberry issue. I've read so many fanfics that just like ush into it like "Okay Quinn you love rachel now" the end but hello have you watched glee, Quinns like uber christian of the year (minus pregnancy thing)? Not that I'm hating cause obviously I'm still reading them but this fic is going to be different,just saying. Things can't always be peachy.**

**On a second note I'm tired of all the teasing Naya and heather morris are doing Naya is all captain brittana like "this is going to happen, people need to see it"**

**But Heathers all "Yeah my mom watches the show can't be doin all the lesbian lovin'" It's KILLING ME!**

**And that damn Nothing but a Glee thing video that exploded all over my tumblr dash**

**that was the last straw I may just jump ship.  
**

**Author rant over you already know I don't own glee.

* * *

  
**

Chapter Seven

Brighter

My mom was out with her old ass friends doing god knows what tonight so I snuck Brittany over it was Friday anyways so Lynn was cool with Brittany staying the night.

I had cleaned my room up and everything it was kind of a rare thing for B to be in my room (or my house for that matter), so I picked everything up off the floor that had been scattered and put new tape behind all my posters I had put up to make my room less boring, paint was the next thing on room improvements I think my mom was coming around on it.

We hadn't really talked about everything that had happened on Tuesday and it was kind of putting a blockade up between us for some reason. I should have been more discreet, but I'm not that slick seeing how many times I got caught spying on Glee for Sue.

Speaking of the devil she put me through complete HELL this week I had suicides every single practice all week and honestly most nights my legs felt like jelly and I was grateful for a freezing cold shower, even though it really put me out of 'the mood' which put a damper on Brittany also.

"San, can I say something without you getting mad at me?" I bight my lip to help hold in the No that was on the tip of my tongue and nod, she's running her hands through my hair and we had been sitting in what had seemed like a comfortable silence, guess I was wrong again.

"Well I've been thinking" those first words were enough to make me sit up and cross my legs resting my head in my hands nodding for her to continue "Well about what Quinn said the other day and I can see what she means your like nice now"

I shrug "Okay so what? I don't see what the big freaking deal is, so I've done a couple nice things people need to get over it Jesus I'm growing up getting more mature whatever. It's just someday I may need these Lima losers and I don't want them to remember me as that girl who stole their boyfriends and slushied their new school clothes and turn their backs".

"Well I over heard some people talking in the locker room while you were running and well they think that it's… that it's my fault and it's messing up the social hair arc or something and Sanny I don't want to mess up your weave or anything I know you can't live with your extensions"

I smile I loved her cluelessness "They were talking about like the chain of command me and Quinn on top and how we rule the school, but honestly I'm not sure if I want that anymore. Being head bitch in charge isn't everything. They were kind of right your kind of all I worry about now"

Brittany starts chewing on her nails so I know she's deeply thinking. I wait a few beats giving her time to process whatever was running through her brain I knew she was running on AM while the rest of us were stuck on boring old FM.

She stands up and crosses her arms a somewhat poker face on because I've known her long enough I could see her emotions betraying her in her eyes "Santana I don't think I want…this anymore"

Now it was my turn to process "Say wha? Want what you don't know what your talking about I was just running my mouth I still do want to be HBIC and be top dog and pull one over on Quinn to lower her status I still do honest"

She's just shaking her head though "No I can tell your lying. I can't be us anymore we don't even hook up anymore I just don't know. I really don't maybe I should go" she starts walking toward the door pausing hand on the knob she can't look at me in my eyes so instead she stares at my shoes "Maybe when you figure things out" she gently shuts the door and I watch her walk toward her house from my window.

/

So now here I am back at square mother fucking one. I thought I had it all figured out I knew my memory was slipping so I was rushing things doing things out of order messing up my future dynamics. I should have done what my gut said and that was ditch B sing with Wheezy wait it all out until that day at the god damned park.

But _NO _I had to get all wrapped up in the fact she was back and I was back and I could be Miss Do Gooder and fix everything and now all I was left with was a broken heart and the feeling of wanting to die. I knew it was late so started letting my eyes close softly until sleep over took me.

/

The weight shifted on my bed I assumed it was Brittany so I rolled over just to flop off the side of my bed that incidentally was kind of high off the ground. I pop back up and hold my fist out "Whosh there, I'm warning you I'll kick your ass sheriously" I say eyes barely able to open and adjust to the light.

"**You're having some trouble"**

My eyes jump open and I look at the all white man sitting on my bed one leg crossed over the other honestly just chilling taking everything about my room in stomach dropping. Me thinking this was it I was back to my days of wandering around for nothing.

"**Do not fret Santana Maria Lopez I come to assist not to retrieve tonight" **he had this like freaky smile on his face that made me super nervous.

"**Listen you've realized a lot before your slumber, that you have indeed messed up the fabric that is your human like realities, 'messed up the dynamics'"** I sit back down on my bed facing him nodding kind of scared still.

"**But you mustn't forget that the day of June twelfth Twenty ten is going to happen one way or another whether it be by car" **an orb pops up and shows the wreck from a second person perspective I can see it flip and B crash on top of me through the broken glass of my car** "By water" **shows Brittany all alone at the park her moms sedan behind her drowning in a the lake because she couldn't swim, honestly because I kept putting off teaching her** "Or by someone else's hand" **he didn't do anything this time though** "You need to know you can't just let this go because you hold the POWER in all this, it was your chance to fix things not only with Brittany but yourself these are your destiny's" **

"But by who's hand please give me more information, please?" I try to crawling over across my bed but I'm stuck in place. I watch him as he studies me nodding he gets up disappearing in a mist that sort of smells like a summer breeze that brings me right back to that day and how it had seemed infinite, as if nothing happened. I get hold of myself sometime around four thirty in the morning knowing all this stuff was seriously making me crazy.

/

When I stumbled awake around eleven in my kitchen my mom was watching me her eyebrows furrowed together. She was holding a cup of tea that she handed over when I got a grip on where I was.

"Are you taking your medicines Doctor Carson prescribed?" I nod my head running my hand through my hair I plop down at the breakfast nook and sip the earl grey tea gingerly since it's still so hot.

"Then why haven't I had to refill the prescription yet? Or are you out and just not telling me? Santana if you fall down that flight of stairs you could get seriously hurt. They may let that Peirce girl run around sleep walking but I won't let any demons control my daughter"

It was like she was cutting open all the scars Brittany made last night "Mom, I'm not going to be hanging around Brittany anymore we bro- had a really bad fight" it's like I declared Christmas came early the face my mom made.

"You know it's all for the best really she was no good for you at all it was a negative friendship from the start I always told Ernie right when you two started hanging out it would end bad but he would argue saying silly things like" she deepened her voice to mimic my dad " 'Selena these things will work themselves out', so I guess they did".

She looked so smug as she went around the kitchen, I really couldn't take it so I went up stairs grabbed my keys and tennis shoes and left without a word. I had no idea where the hell I was going to go either I mean who did I have? Other than Quinn and Brittany, both of which I was out of sorts with I had no one.

I pull off the side of the road and rest my head on the steering wheel about to have another one of those big breakdown cries I've become so accustomed to. I nearly shit myself when a knock comes from the window; I roll it down and none other than Rachel Berry is standing outside of my car.

"What!"

She flinches but clears her throat and gets her composure I see she's in standard jogging gear spandex and everything, "Well your in my neighborhood so I could very well ask the same but you seem a bit upset about something and I was just coming over to check on you"

I look at her mouth hanging open I could have been catching flys. Where's the Rachel with tape over her mouth pissed off at the world, sobbing and singing sad love songs because I sexed it up with her Man-Boy?

"Do you want to talk about it" I shake my head but a fresh onslaught of tears start to freaking brim betraying my stupid feelings. Man, I hated those things I might take the Sylvester route and get my tear ducts removed.

"Thought so how about we go to my house since we're only two houses away and I'll make you a sandwich."

This is how I end up laying on Berry's couch her bustling about being the good hostess. She hands me a glass of water and a plain grape jelly sandwich "What the fuck is this?" I snap looking at the kind of pathetic sandwich "Don't you own like cheese, meat, freaking peanut butter?"

"I'm a vegan have been since the age of three"

Open mouth insert foot, I needed that tattooed across my forehead "Oh, sorry"

"Santana don't apologize you didn't know that's fine with me. So what's been going on with you not that I mind this new and improved version of you, but I seem to be the only one who doesn't mind" she smiles and sits down in the chair a cross from me putting the television that was playing Evergreen a Streisand movie on mute.

At first I want to hesitate but this may be my only chance to vent without getting mocked so I let everything go from my constant worry (leaving out the part of me knowing the future), my new phobias of driving, sleeping, wandering around, how my mom's such a homophobic bitch, how Coach Sylvester won't get off of my back, and finally how Brittany broke up with me.

"Wow Santana you have a lot going on. Do you ever talk to anyone about it like a therapist or something?"

I snort "And have my mom think I belong in a straight jacket? Not hardly".

She nods "Well, then I want you to start talking to me and I'll listen and I won't judge you like some of your other friends might".

"Then can I tell you something? _Without you judging me of course_"

"I resent your sarcasm at my sincerity but yes go ahead"

"I only told you about Finn so you two would break up and you would be available"

She raises a curious eyebrow and I get what she's assuming "I oh lord Jesus no not for me oh god yuck no not for me for someone else" I guess it was now or never "For uh Quinn she really likes you since before freshmen year that's why the whole slushy thing started".

To my utter shock she just nods "Yeah I was already aware of Quinn's crush" I think today Rachel was trying to unhinge my jaw from its socket.

"What? You knew what the hell I've been plotting and planning for fucking-"

"Language" Rachel scolds like I cared.

"Weeks and you already knew what? I just can't grasp that"

Rachel stands up and starts pacing her living room "Well I kind of guessed it when she was drawing semi pornographic pictures of me in the restrooms and she always doodled little pictures of me which furthered my inclination to the fact that she was infatuated with me, that and my dad's always taught me people only pick on me because there either A. jealous of my obvious talent and calling to fame or B. they liked me".

I took a bight of the jelly sandwich and nodded "Okay good point".

"Don't talk with your mouthful its gross," she says she keeps scolding me like she's my goddamn mom or something.

"So, why didn't you like try and get with Quinn? She's available" I wiggle my eyebrows.

"Because I've observed something about Quinn, she is very strong headed in her beliefs as a Christian and her moral values which say homsexualtivity is wrong. I've seen slight changes in her with your help but she's still not ready".

She plops down next to me resting my knees across her lap "So since I that you have indeed been trying to help me with my romantic trouble with Quinn I intend on helping you."


	9. Chapter 8: All We Know

**A/N: I'm seriously struggling with chapter eight so anything you want to see happen just tell me. Okay on the faberry issue. I've read so many fanfics that just like ush into it like "Okay Quinn you love rachel now" the end but hello have you watched glee, Quinns like uber christian of the year (minus pregnancy thing)? Not that I'm hating cause obviously I'm still reading them but this fic is going to be different,just saying. Things can't always be peachy.**

**On a second note I'm tired of all the teasing Naya and heather morris are doing Naya is all captain brittana like "this is going to happen, people need to see it"**

**But Heathers all "Yeah my mom watches the show can't be doin all the lesbian lovin'" It's KILLING ME!**

**And that damn Nothing but a Glee thing video that exploded all over my tumblr dash**

**that was the last straw I may just jump ship.  
**

**Author rant over you already know I don't own glee.

* * *

  
**

Chapter Seven

Brighter

My mom was out with her old ass friends doing god knows what tonight so I snuck Brittany over it was Friday anyways so Lynn was cool with Brittany staying the night.

I had cleaned my room up and everything it was kind of a rare thing for B to be in my room (or my house for that matter), so I picked everything up off the floor that had been scattered and put new tape behind all my posters I had put up to make my room less boring, paint was the next thing on room improvements I think my mom was coming around on it.

We hadn't really talked about everything that had happened on Tuesday and it was kind of putting a blockade up between us for some reason. I should have been more discreet, but I'm not that slick seeing how many times I got caught spying on Glee for Sue.

Speaking of the devil she put me through complete HELL this week I had suicides every single practice all week and honestly most nights my legs felt like jelly and I was grateful for a freezing cold shower, even though it really put me out of 'the mood' which put a damper on Brittany also.

"San, can I say something without you getting mad at me?" I bight my lip to help hold in the No that was on the tip of my tongue and nod, she's running her hands through my hair and we had been sitting in what had seemed like a comfortable silence, guess I was wrong again.

"Well I've been thinking" those first words were enough to make me sit up and cross my legs resting my head in my hands nodding for her to continue "Well about what Quinn said the other day and I can see what she means your like nice now"

I shrug "Okay so what? I don't see what the big freaking deal is, so I've done a couple nice things people need to get over it Jesus I'm growing up getting more mature whatever. It's just someday I may need these Lima losers and I don't want them to remember me as that girl who stole their boyfriends and slushied their new school clothes and turn their backs".

"Well I over heard some people talking in the locker room while you were running and well they think that it's… that it's my fault and it's messing up the social hair arc or something and Sanny I don't want to mess up your weave or anything I know you can't live with your extensions"

I smile I loved her cluelessness "They were talking about like the chain of command me and Quinn on top and how we rule the school, but honestly I'm not sure if I want that anymore. Being head bitch in charge isn't everything. They were kind of right your kind of all I worry about now"

Brittany starts chewing on her nails so I know she's deeply thinking. I wait a few beats giving her time to process whatever was running through her brain I knew she was running on AM while the rest of us were stuck on boring old FM.

She stands up and crosses her arms a somewhat poker face on because I've known her long enough I could see her emotions betraying her in her eyes "Santana I don't think I want…this anymore"

Now it was my turn to process "Say wha? Want what you don't know what your talking about I was just running my mouth I still do want to be HBIC and be top dog and pull one over on Quinn to lower her status I still do honest"

She's just shaking her head though "No I can tell your lying. I can't be us anymore we don't even hook up anymore I just don't know. I really don't maybe I should go" she starts walking toward the door pausing hand on the knob she can't look at me in my eyes so instead she stares at my shoes "Maybe when you figure things out" she gently shuts the door and I watch her walk toward her house from my window.

/

So now here I am back at square mother fucking one. I thought I had it all figured out I knew my memory was slipping so I was rushing things doing things out of order messing up my future dynamics. I should have done what my gut said and that was ditch B sing with Wheezy wait it all out until that day at the god damned park.

But _NO _I had to get all wrapped up in the fact she was back and I was back and I could be Miss Do Gooder and fix everything and now all I was left with was a broken heart and the feeling of wanting to die. I knew it was late so started letting my eyes close softly until sleep over took me.

/

The weight shifted on my bed I assumed it was Brittany so I rolled over just to flop off the side of my bed that incidentally was kind of high off the ground. I pop back up and hold my fist out "Whosh there, I'm warning you I'll kick your ass sheriously" I say eyes barely able to open and adjust to the light.

"**You're having some trouble"**

My eyes jump open and I look at the all white man sitting on my bed one leg crossed over the other honestly just chilling taking everything about my room in stomach dropping. Me thinking this was it I was back to my days of wandering around for nothing.

"**Do not fret Santana Maria Lopez I come to assist not to retrieve tonight" **he had this like freaky smile on his face that made me super nervous.

"**Listen you've realized a lot before your slumber, that you have indeed messed up the fabric that is your human like realities, 'messed up the dynamics'"** I sit back down on my bed facing him nodding kind of scared still.

"**But you mustn't forget that the day of June twelfth Twenty ten is going to happen one way or another whether it be by car" **an orb pops up and shows the wreck from a second person perspective I can see it flip and B crash on top of me through the broken glass of my car** "By water" **shows Brittany all alone at the park her moms sedan behind her drowning in a the lake because she couldn't swim, honestly because I kept putting off teaching her** "Or by someone else's hand" **he didn't do anything this time though** "You need to know you can't just let this go because you hold the POWER in all this, it was your chance to fix things not only with Brittany but yourself these are your destiny's" **

"But by who's hand please give me more information, please?" I try to crawling over across my bed but I'm stuck in place. I watch him as he studies me nodding he gets up disappearing in a mist that sort of smells like a summer breeze that brings me right back to that day and how it had seemed infinite, as if nothing happened. I get hold of myself sometime around four thirty in the morning knowing all this stuff was seriously making me crazy.

/

When I stumbled awake around eleven in my kitchen my mom was watching me her eyebrows furrowed together. She was holding a cup of tea that she handed over when I got a grip on where I was.

"Are you taking your medicines Doctor Carson prescribed?" I nod my head running my hand through my hair I plop down at the breakfast nook and sip the earl grey tea gingerly since it's still so hot.

"Then why haven't I had to refill the prescription yet? Or are you out and just not telling me? Santana if you fall down that flight of stairs you could get seriously hurt. They may let that Peirce girl run around sleep walking but I won't let any demons control my daughter"

It was like she was cutting open all the scars Brittany made last night "Mom, I'm not going to be hanging around Brittany anymore we bro- had a really bad fight" it's like I declared Christmas came early the face my mom made.

"You know it's all for the best really she was no good for you at all it was a negative friendship from the start I always told Ernie right when you two started hanging out it would end bad but he would argue saying silly things like" she deepened her voice to mimic my dad " 'Selena these things will work themselves out', so I guess they did".

She looked so smug as she went around the kitchen, I really couldn't take it so I went up stairs grabbed my keys and tennis shoes and left without a word. I had no idea where the hell I was going to go either I mean who did I have? Other than Quinn and Brittany, both of which I was out of sorts with I had no one.

I pull off the side of the road and rest my head on the steering wheel about to have another one of those big breakdown cries I've become so accustomed to. I nearly shit myself when a knock comes from the window; I roll it down and none other than Rachel Berry is standing outside of my car.

"What!"

She flinches but clears her throat and gets her composure I see she's in standard jogging gear spandex and everything, "Well your in my neighborhood so I could very well ask the same but you seem a bit upset about something and I was just coming over to check on you"

I look at her mouth hanging open I could have been catching flys. Where's the Rachel with tape over her mouth pissed off at the world, sobbing and singing sad love songs because I sexed it up with her Man-Boy?

"Do you want to talk about it" I shake my head but a fresh onslaught of tears start to freaking brim betraying my stupid feelings. Man, I hated those things I might take the Sylvester route and get my tear ducts removed.

"Thought so how about we go to my house since we're only two houses away and I'll make you a sandwich."

This is how I end up laying on Berry's couch her bustling about being the good hostess. She hands me a glass of water and a plain grape jelly sandwich "What the fuck is this?" I snap looking at the kind of pathetic sandwich "Don't you own like cheese, meat, freaking peanut butter?"

"I'm a vegan have been since the age of three"

Open mouth insert foot, I needed that tattooed across my forehead "Oh, sorry"

"Santana don't apologize you didn't know that's fine with me. So what's been going on with you not that I mind this new and improved version of you, but I seem to be the only one who doesn't mind" she smiles and sits down in the chair a cross from me putting the television that was playing Evergreen a Streisand movie on mute.

At first I want to hesitate but this may be my only chance to vent without getting mocked so I let everything go from my constant worry (leaving out the part of me knowing the future), my new phobias of driving, sleeping, wandering around, how my mom's such a homophobic bitch, how Coach Sylvester won't get off of my back, and finally how Brittany broke up with me.

"Wow Santana you have a lot going on. Do you ever talk to anyone about it like a therapist or something?"

I snort "And have my mom think I belong in a straight jacket? Not hardly".

She nods "Well, then I want you to start talking to me and I'll listen and I won't judge you like some of your other friends might".

"Then can I tell you something? _Without you judging me of course_"

"I resent your sarcasm at my sincerity but yes go ahead"

"I only told you about Finn so you two would break up and you would be available"

She raises a curious eyebrow and I get what she's assuming "I oh lord Jesus no not for me oh god yuck no not for me for someone else" I guess it was now or never "For uh Quinn she really likes you since before freshmen year that's why the whole slushy thing started".

To my utter shock she just nods "Yeah I was already aware of Quinn's crush" I think today Rachel was trying to unhinge my jaw from its socket.

"What? You knew what the hell I've been plotting and planning for fucking-"

"Language" Rachel scolds like I cared.

"Weeks and you already knew what? I just can't grasp that"

Rachel stands up and starts pacing her living room "Well I kind of guessed it when she was drawing semi pornographic pictures of me in the restrooms and she always doodled little pictures of me which furthered my inclination to the fact that she was infatuated with me, that and my dad's always taught me people only pick on me because there either A. jealous of my obvious talent and calling to fame or B. they liked me".

I took a bight of the jelly sandwich and nodded "Okay good point".

"Don't talk with your mouthful its gross," she says she keeps scolding me like she's my goddamn mom or something.

"So, why didn't you like try and get with Quinn? She's available" I wiggle my eyebrows.

"Because I've observed something about Quinn, she is very strong headed in her beliefs as a Christian and her moral values which say homsexualtivity is wrong. I've seen slight changes in her with your help but she's still not ready".

She plops down next to me resting my knees across her lap "So since I that you have indeed been trying to help me with my romantic trouble with Quinn I intend on helping you."


	10. Chapter 9: All I Wanted

**Mostly filler for the awesomeness that I hope I write next chapter seriously I've been thinking about chapter ten for like four weeks so here's chapter nine oh and I skipped over doing a special thing for sectionals just assume the performances went down like in the show, I'm lazy you try being a college kid with a shit load of classes and homework up to your eyeballs! Anyway some Pezberry friendship in this one and a BRITTANA interaction whoop more of those to come!**

Chapter Nine

All I Wanted

My Mom was super pissed when I got home late from the Berry's (cause I kind of didn't tell her where I was going but whatever) so I was grounded for the rest of the week, probably didn't help that I started yelling back at her and slammed my door but I had, had a very stressful Sunday.

I was laying on my bed head propped up against the back wall thinking about everything that's been going down lately see on Monday Quinn came up and apologized to me for being such a major bitch she wanted to hug it out but I wasn't on the mushy stuff so we shook on it saying we wouldn't make out anymore or anything weird like that. Not that I wasn't still worried for Quinn I watched her sheepishly watch Rachel out of the corner of her eye now and then but she never approached her, but I say progress is progress.

Then I noticed on Tuesday Artie following B around like a lost fucking wheel chair puppy that I wanted to shove down a staircase. I had my ear buds in jamming out trying to not notice everyone around me since I was still a little aggravated with everyone who was breathing my air.

The only reason I noticed that someone was talking to me was because I could hear a faint buzzing noise coming from behind me I pulled out my left ear bud and was greeted to Berry mid-nag.

"It's very rude to ignore people Santana and here I was trying to be polite and thank you for coming over the other day and eating with my family but I think I may rebuke my thanks and give it to someone who is a little more appreciative and someone who will at least listen to me, give said thanks to them" this causes me to roll my eyes.

I hold up my headphone "I wasn't ignoring your midget ass specifically just generally everyone else, and I thought we talked about this you shouldn't talk to me at school I'm not ready for my rep to take another plunge thanks the bottom of the pyramid is bad enough" I say strutting off to my next class.

I could've died the day was going so freaking slow and it didn't help that it seemed that B and wheels were an 'item' now so I guess I didn't avoid it like I thought I did which kind of threw salt on the freaking wound for me, how could I protect her with that cripple in the way?

Every time I pass Berry in the hallway she smiles at me I try to ignore it or stealthily smile back or wave at her I mean she did treat me awesome at dinner the other day, defending me and shit.

_I smile politely when Jerome Rachel's big black dad puts a plate down in front of me while I was thinking 'what the fuck is this'? It was like a glob of I don't know what it looked really, really nasty. Rachel is smiling across the table from me as her smaller dad Keith sits down, also smiling almost an identical smile._

"_So Santana Rachel tells us you're a cheerleader" I hear Jerome snort next to me._

"_Yes, sir I am I was head cheerio part of the year last year" and was supposed to be all year this year if it wasn't for that spot stealing blabber mouth I think angrily._

"_Oh well that's nice and stop with the formalities your making me feel old I'm Keith" I heard Jerome mumble something about him being Mr. Berry still "You're also apart of glee club we hear? We saw you guys last week at sectionals you were phenomenal" Keith says beaming it made it easier to see where Rachel got her looks from._

_Jerome is staring at me and of course I'm never one to back down from a stare down so I sit there playing with my glob of goo with my spoon making shapes and shit while he glares down at me._

"_SANTANA" Rachel says nudging my leg from under the table I whip my head over to her "Yeah sorry what?"_

"_I was just telling my daddy how you recently got out of a relationship with Brittany" I stared at her for a minute with a 'bitch say what' face on she sits there like prompting me trying to get me to talk about it or something._

"_Oh uh yeah I guess" I shrug_

"_You guess?" Oh so now the man wants in on the flipping conversation, now it was turned to my failed lesbian relationship "How do you guess with something like that"?_

"_Well we did go out for a while I mean but I think we're just on a break"_

"_Oh how's that working out for you? Being a young gay couple usually is hard I'm not surprised you two broke up really, not that I don't commend you on your efforts from what Rachel says it was a good try"_

_I was gritting me teeth trying not to scowl trying to keep what little composure I had Jerome opens his mouth probably to make another point about me and Brittany's relationship which he didn't know the first thing about but little Berry cuts him off._

"_Dad stop please, this has been a really hard time for Santana already and I won't sit idle by while you insult her young love, if I do recall you and daddy were only sixteen when you met and it wasn't all skipping through daisy for you two either" that didn't fucking shut his trap though._

"_How can you defend her after everything her and that Fabray girl put you through since before high school? Don't act like your naive Rachel because your really not this is probably some kind of trick to get at you and get your guard down or something and __**I**__**wont **__sit idle by and watch this train wreck happen" then he pushed his chair back towered over me a minute then left the dining room stomping a little. Diva fits must run in this family or something even though it was comically seeing the huge black man act like Rachel, maybe something in the water._

_Keith sensing the tension smiled "So how about some dessert girls? Rachel you go on and get it out honey I'll go deal with your father. Santana it was a pleasure meeting you really, I'm sorry about Jerome" he smiled then followed in his husband's footsteps._

_Rachel sat there a minute while I continued to sculpt the Eiffel tower with my goo trying to act neutral even though nuclear warfare with Jerome was going on in my head "It's not a prank is it?" her voice was so small I didn't hear her at first._

"_No" I sigh I hate emotional shit "Honestly I've never really had a close friend before, B went from Best friend to girl friend and me and Quinn's relationship is weird like this love hate type thingy, I guess your like my first friend outside of those two and I don't wanna fuck that up so I guess what I'm getting at is uh… I like you"_

_She raised her eyebrows it took me a minute to get what she was getting at and I nearly died choking on my water "Oh no damn it Berry not like that we've been over this, this is just a friends type thing god Berry, gross"_

_She smiles sheepishly at me "Okay Santana thanks you know I've never really had a close friend who's a girl either so it's nice that we have that common interest hopefully it'll help our friendship stay strong" I just shrug._

"_Whatever 'nough of this mushy shit where's that dessert I'm starving!"_

After Coach Sylvester made us do a crazy ass 'conditioning' practice, which included fun activities like suicides, laps, Sweet sixteen's, more suicides, Abs work outs, and of course holding the pyramid for as long as possible first to fail got to start over oh and so did everyone else since you can't make a pyramid by yourself, it was just a fucking **BLAST** the three times we did it!

I knew B was sitting behind me on the bench like watching me, I'm not physic or anything but I had my locker open and in the little mirror in my locker I was watching her too so we kind of caught each other. Sighing I shoulder my duffle bag and turn around to face her "Hey, B I miss you what's been going on?"

Her face goes blank a minute like when she's trying to pull up a memory or something it's this kind of cuteness I miss but then her eyes light up "Artie is taking me on a date to Breadstix tonight! You should def come Sanny I miss you lots too!"

To say my heart broke a little was an understatement hearing her say Artie, Date, Sanny and Breadstix in the same sentence hurt like fucking hell but I'm a tough girl so I grin and bear it "Yeah that would be great but I have other plans tonight you know an earlier commitment or I totally would" her smile falls a little.

"But you could bring Rachel I wouldn't get jealous at all we could like double"

If one more person assumed I liked Berry I think I might yak all over my trainers "No, B that's okay I'm not like dating Treasure Trail and it would be weird and shit with Quinn since that like her undercover lover. Tonight just wouldn't work out okay".

She nods frowning "Okay Sanny well you know a cell phone works both ways so text me back sometime" she stands up and waves to me before skipping off leaving me alone in the locker room.

I shake off the lonely feeling before putting my chin up and walking out to my car which also looked quite lonely in the lot since everyone else had already dipped out of here, probably incase Sue changed her mind about ending practice right now and called us all back in for one more round of fun.

There was a yellow post-it note stuck to my front windshield I peel it off and throw it into the passenger seat while I throw my cheerio bag into the trunk so it wouldn't make my car smell like shit, you can't smell like roses after a cheerio practice it's like a crime against nature.

I forget about the note until I'm at a stop light right before my house fiddling with the radio it catches my eye. I scan over it before smirking the night had suddenly taken a pleasant turn for me.

**Look at me leaving a cliffhanger ha you'll be surprised.**


	11. Chapter 10: Franklin

**A/n: After this starts Part. 2! Whoop**

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Chapter 10

Franklin

"What the hell you smirking about Lopez?" Puck said as soon as he opened the door glancing up and down his street before pulling me in but I already knew the drill. I slowly crept over to his basement door pulling it open and slipping down into the dinghy basement that had a couch and a TV playing ESPN highlights in it.

Puck came down a little later with a six-pack and a carrying case "We haven't done this in a while" he said wagging his eyebrows and setting up shop in front of the TV, I watch shrugging "You haven't invited me over numb nuts you hate when I whip you" he just smirks.

"I like being on top you know that"

/

Twenty minutes later I had sweat beading my brow smiling happily as my thumbs work furiously over the remote control as I repeatedly whip Pucks ass in Madden 10 on X- Box 360.

"Damn it fucking Lopez not even Finnessa beats me like this when we fucking play how are you so good at this? Or are you just naturally good at everything?" I roll my eyes "Get your mind out of the gutter okay I already told you when I went official with Brit I'm not interested in your or any other guys dick" I say as he sets up are next game "You'd probably beat me if you didn't pick the damn Bengals every time".

"But you guys broke up she's with my boy Artie now San you need to move on they look good together and he can accept her dude" he takes a gulp of his beer after I intercept the pass he tried to sneak in "And I know what your doing with Rachel isn't real" I had to take a few deep cleansing breaths before throwing off to him.

"Let me make this clear dick head I AM _NOT _WITH_**RACHEL**_" I growl out before leaping over and tackling Puck to the ground because he mocked me rolling his eyes and pushing out his chest, we roll around a minute before he pins me attaching his lips to mine.

"Ouch shit girl don't go biting me now I was just kidding" He holds out his hand for me as we get up and make our way back over to the couch " Did you ever feel anything when we were hooking up or were you like pretending for the sake of the fuck?"

"I have no idea what your rambling about over there you have six seconds to make a play"

"Well you're like capital G gay but we hooked up and you weren't ever really into it like other girls you know" he shrugs running out of ways to explain.

"Oh, well this is getting a bit awkward I don't want to insult your man hood or anything" he side glances at me "No I guess not"

"Yeah that's what I thought but it's okay I mean I always imagined Quinn when I fucked you anyways" I spit up a little of my beer "What? What's funny?"

"Quinn's capital D in Denial dude"

"No she's not shut up, she's not gay she totally digged it when we did it" I see that he's bristling up so I try and skirt around this obviously touchy subject.

"Yeah, yeah" I glance at the time on my phone wincing at the late hour time always flew when I was locked into X- box mode.

"For fucks sake Santana" Puck says as I get another touchdown in handing over my remote I smirk "Here obviously you need to practice, I need to go before my ma flips" he stands and starts leading me out glancing around for his mom who wasn't quite fond of me.

When we get to the front door he gives me a weird one armed hug " We should do this more" I smile and nod throwing back a wave as I start toward my car stomach clinching because I knew I was about to be six feet under when I get home considering I was still very much grounded.

I hated always being right "SANTANA MARIA LOPEZ! Do you have any inclination as to what grounded means? No? Well let me remind you it means straight home from Cheerios or did you even have it today? You know what I'm going to do? Call up your coach and get your schedule"

My face blanches because that was my upper hand I had on my Ma see every other Monday I had no practice and could do whatever I wanted (Usually consisting of driving aimlessly unless I got desperate [which was a lot] and went to Rachel's).

"What Ma no please I'm not lying I was at" I rack my brain trying to think of somewhere I could have been that wouldn't piss off my mom "Uh the… CHURCH!"

Wrong thing obviously cause her whole like demeanor drops and she throws herself into the lounge chair in the living room quite dramatically throwing her hands up " I really just don't know about you anymore, where has my little angel gone?"

Oh shit flash back I look toward the front door counting down in my head.

10

"Well I'm waiting for an answer"

9

"You've become so disrespectful as of late"

8

"Hello? Am I talking to myself over here?"

For your benefit I'm going to tune my mother out so 7,6,5,4,3,2

"Hello anyone home? I need some help with my baggage here"

My mother popped excitedly speed walking into the foyer where my father waited arms outstretched waiting for his Girls to greet him excitedly. My Ma wraps herself around him kissing all over his face excitedly. I watch on from the family room scowling in his direction. My Ma must have noticed my lack of presence in the 'Family' huddle.

"Don't be rude Santana" my Ma hisses at me so I slowly make my way over my mind going a mile a minute my dad wraps his huge arms around me kissing the top of my head whispering how much he missed me and what not. See way back before I knew everything I would have never caught on to the sadness in his voice or the huge brown hickie on his neck like I did now.

I fake smile as I help bring in his suit cases and everything else smile pleasantly as we sit around the table even though it's ten o' clock and I still have school tomorrow and he's the only one eating and Ma's the only one talking.

"

"So Sanny how are you? Am I going to be seeing Brittany over my visit?" My Pop says finishing up his tamale standing tucking his shirt back in my Mom looks absolutely gleeful.

"Ernie Santana and Brittany aren't friends anymore" my pop whips around from the sink "What? Why you two were always inseparable"

"Oh, I don't know probably because she was never aloud to stay over here or maybe it was the fact when she did come over here Ma played twenty thousand questions with her about her home life and how liberal Christianity is wrong or maybe because…" I cut my little rant short because the glare my mom was sending my way while my Pop glared at my mom and I looked dejectedly at the floor scowling at it, it was a Lopez glare fest.

"Selena why wasn't Brittany aloud in the house? And why would you question her faith, isn't believing enough?" his voice is soft but stern my Mothers face is slowing going scarlet, I thought she was going to hold it in.

"That, that Peirce girl isn't aloud in this house because a few months back I saw her mother at the market" I roll my eyes every time my Mom see's any Peirce anywhere she gives a play by play of what was wrong with what happened though she usually told me right after it happened "And we got to talking and I found out some very interesting things".

Me and my Pop's faces are matching sort of looking at her like she's slow " See she seemed to think that Brittany and Santana our Santana where in some sort of lesbian relationship, telling me about how happy they were their daughter could find someone like our Santana" my face flushes and I could feel my stomach wanting to heave up everything I ate and drank at Pucks, my father glances quickly over at me before setting his face back over to my mom "So? What did you do about it did you even ask Santana?"

My Mom laughs like legit laughs out loud smacking her hand on the table "No, I knew Mrs. Peirce was lying and I didn't want that delusional girl corrupting our house any more so I told San no Brittany and she's been complying so far it seems even though I have no Idea where she was tonight" and now the faces are back on me.

"Uh I was at…. Quinn's house" my mom's shaking her head.

"I called Judy try again without the lying"

"I was at Katelyn Tarvers house going over routines" another shake of the head.

"Well I wasn't at B's if that's what your thinking she dosen't want anything to do with me"

There's that shit eating grin again "See I don't know if I can even believe that because of all the lies you've been telling lately maybe you two you and Brittany made up this story just so I would get off your back a little bit but you would have to think it up because Brittany's to stupid"

"SHUT UP, Brittany's NOT STUPID YOU DUMB BITCH" I say jumping up sending my chair to the floor my Mom's face contorts into this like crazy angry look and my Dad just stands there like the useless sack of shit he is.

"You want honesty?" I say bringing my voice back down to normally and evening it out "Let me break I down for you. Me and B have been together for awhile now and that's why I stay out most the time so I can go play family over at the Peirce's because it sucks here and they accept me" I say backing toward the stairs "And you know what else? We had HOT LESBIAN SEX on your bed suck on that why don't you Mother".

Then I'm throwing myself up the stairs as fast as I can slamming and locking my door grabbing as much shit as I can and throwing it into my cheerios duffel bag and my book bag. My mom's pounding on the door now yelling at me in Spanish while my dad is yelling at her in Spanish.

I roll my eyes at the dysfunction that is my family before dropping my bags out the window and following suit. Starting my car and backing out getting the hell out of there as fast as I could.

I pull into a space at the school deciding to just sleep in my car for the night then I'll ask around and see if I could find a place to stay tomorrow. I just needed space right now.


	12. Chapter 11: Sentimental Tune

**a/N: So YEAH! Update read and review PLEASE! I love all the favorited stories adn alerts i get but in the review department it seems it may be lacking a bit so lets work on that.**

**Thanks to the people who do consistantly review I lvoe it and your oppinions matter to me :) without further a due Ch. 11**

**Disclaim: Don't own Glee**

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Chapter 11

Sentimental Tune

I hate waking up before my alarm it like throws off my whole day and trust everyone was paying the consequences, I think I've slushied four kids today but honestly I stopped counting.

I had a kink in my neck from sleeping awkwardly in my backseat of my car, and my back was killing me but not in a good way. So I went through the day sending glares and flipping birds to everyone who crossed my path today.

I was the last to stomp into the choir room at the end of the day and everyone including Schue shut up when I walked in making me think I was the hot button topic right now, it also brought up memories from when B died. I stand there waiting to see if anyone will pipe up but no one does so I shrug sliding into my seat in the back corner.

"Uh, okay guys so we need to get some ideas running for Regional's or a theme so to speak if we're going that route again this year" Mr. Schuester says leaning up against the piano, I watch as Brad cringes.

Rachel is frantically waving her hand like a five year old on steroids but Schue is desperately looking for anyone else to raise their hand so I humor him he visibly swallows nervously.

"Uhm, yeah Santana go on ahead"

"Thank you Mr. Schuester " I say cocking my head to the side sweetly smiling "I think that instead of ignoring Rachel you should pull your head out ya ass and listen to her suggestion because when she planned everything for sectionals last year we won this year we tied, which proves the suckage that is your planning skills" I cross my arms over my chest still holding the smile as everyone stares at me Puck and Quinn stifle a laugh.

"Office" is all Schue says before I pick up my bag and skip out of there, I know everyone else was thinking the same thing as I was they were just pussies and couldn't say it. So instead of going the office route I go to the locker rooms to grab the rest of my stuff.

On my way out I run into something and get knocked onto my ass "What the fuck" I snarl before glancing up and seeing Brittany reaching down her hand to help me up biting her lip.

"Sorry Sanny I was following you but then the guy who puts the stuff in the snack machine was here so I had to see how he stuffs the candy in, did you know it's like a door and it opens?"

I laugh and except the hand as she pulled me up closer than what would be the 'norm' of 'friends' but she's smiling so naturally so am I "Why'd you follow me BB?"

She shrugs biting her lip pulling me into a hug "Well I thought it was nice how you stood up for Rachel, but like a bitchy nice like the old San I knew"

I shrug nonchalantly even though all that was on my mind was how Britt's arms were still wrapped around me " Schue was being a dick it wasn't fair to Rachel, you know me I look out for my fellow minorities" I say winking tickling her sides "Specially the those Dutch.

She laughs before peeling herself off of me "Yeah, well you weren't looking out for anyone this morning you were on a rampage, I didn't notice but everyone was talking about it when you walked in"

Shit, so I guess that my instincts proved correct again "Uh, yeah I had a bad morning the alarm didn't go off before I woke up" she nods sympathetically she knew how felt about it and puts her hand on my shoulder.

"Yeah and sleeping in your car isn't good for you"

"Oh, I know it totally blowed but it's only for-" I trail off and snap my head focusing at her "Wait what? How'd you know I slept in my car last night?"

"Oh everyone was talking about it in glee" she says eyes glazing over as she starts to glance around the locker room "How many lockers do we have in here?"

I didn't have time for this though more pressing matters "Uh a lot, no Brittany who was talking about it? Who started the topic?" I'm trying to keep my voice calm but it's kind of embarrassing for people to know shit like that. They'll think I'm like homeless or something (even though technically I am, but that's beside the point)

"Oh uhm I think Mike did he saw something on Jacobs blog, I couldn't check though all the screens were black in the library so I just let the computers rest"

I step back until I fell the cool of the locker on my back sliding down I softly bang my head up against the locker "I messed up Brittany big time" I slam my hand back into the locker making her jump, she hesitantly steps over to where I am sitting next to me.

"How? What happened you've kind of been on edge lately"

I close my eyes and play over the scenes that are going on my head trying to find the best place to start I reach for her hand which she slides easily into mine "I came out to my parents last night" I was kind of shocked when she started jumping up and down excitedly crushing my hand in the process re wrapping herself around me straddling my hips, resting her arms around my neck.

"Oh my goodness that's great! I'm so proud of you wait was both of your Parents there?" I smile sadly and nod.

" Yeah Pop got home yesterday night it was…eventful to say the least I… Well my Ma talked to your Mom awhile back and your Mom spilled the beans about us" Brittany's face goes into this cute shocked looked "But my Ma only brought it up last night and she said some retarded shit so I told her about that time we had sex on her bed remember after homecoming?" she smiles sheepishly and nods smiling.

"How could I forget? It was the first you went dow-" I blush and shake my head cutting her off.

"Not the point so Ma freaked out and I left out my window to let her and Pop deal with it I'm willing to bet cash that my shit's on the lawn" and now I'm back to banging my head up against the locker.

Brit rests her head on my shoulder her cheek against mine "What are you going to do San? Do you need a place to stay we have an extra room" She just insert the knife into my heart that one stung a little when ever we were together even at Cheerio things in hotels with two beds we still always slept together " I mean if you want to stay with me".

I want to say yes I mean it's my like gut feeling to jump at the offer I mean I need to start getting back into her good graces (even though with her so close and her body against mine it felt like I was already there) so I keep watch on her and keep her safe cause I know for damn sure that Wheels couldn't do that.

So I swallow my pride and shake my head pushing her face away from mine gently as I could "No, it's okay I have somewhere already, but I'll come over if you want as much as you want" she gives me a tight lipped smile and nods "I'd like that a lot San" I rub my thumb over her cheek and start trying to get us standing up as I hear other Cheerios start filling in.

"Ready to get down to some serious Conditioning, hussies" I hear Sues Bull horn in the distance, yeah this should be real fun.

* * *

I literally drag my feet to my car other than my body screaming at me with every step I really didn't want to have to stay cramped up in there again and I really didn't want to go door to door asking for a place to stay it seemed kind of pathetic.

I made sure I was the last to leave the locker room taking my time in the showers and sliding into my old gym shirt and Cheerio sweatpants. I glance down at my phone which was on it's last bar, I knew I should have left my car charger in there why the hell would I need it in my room?

So that's how I wind up driving slowly down my block watching as my house rises as I come up over the hill, I sigh when I see my stuff isn't all over the lawn at least I had that luxury on the flip side though that meant I had to actually go inside. I park in front of the house just in case I had to make a quick get away I struggle at backing out of anything.

As I creep into the house the first thing I notice is the smell, it smelt like how when I was a kid in the summer we'd have bon fires in the back yard and all my Cousins, Aunts, and Uncles would come over. I walk cautiously forward and glance in the back yard seeing that our fire pit was out but it still had a shit load of ash in it like it was freshly used.

I hear someone clear there throat and whip around to face my Pop who is leaning up against the door frame arms crossed in front of him, we stand there for a minute taking each other in.

"She burned her sheets, she would have done the whole bed but I talked her out of it" I nod still frozen hand still clutching the curtain to the window facing the back yard.

"She's out right now and I'm willing to wager she's at a bar" I feel that heat creeping up my face because I could almost feel what he was implying " I think me and you should have a talk mija"

I follow him into the living room and sit down on the love seat while he chooses the arm chair right across from me and now the scene was familiar hopefully the script hadn't changed because I don't think I can get rejected anymore in this lifetime.

My father runs a hand through his hair and lets his hand fall onto the arm of the chair slightly hanging off "You know that I loved you and your mother very much" past tense that's new but I stay focused " But being so far it's hard to stay connected and I don't really know anything about you anymore"

I nod the dutiful daughter I am deciding to stay silent until it's my turn to talk because this time I plan on not crying and not a fuck will be given right now " Last night brought a lot into prospective for me, about your mother and you. This is hard to say but I came home to tell your mother that I met someone else, but as of last night I don't think I can" I have my hands in my lap clinching and unclenching looking any where but at that stupid useless sorry sac of shit a crossed from me " You broke her as soon as we realized you were gone she drank half a bottle of tequila and tried to burn everything in her room. Driving your mother to drink is not a joke Santana" I try to hold it in but I bust up seriously if I didn't get a hold of myself I might just piss on the couch and give my mom another reason to hate me.

"You know what man" I wipe my eyes and stand up " You should go into comedy or the soaps because that was true acting right there, don't come here and act like you give two fucks about me or Ma cause you don't. Also, One don't lame me for her lack of perception shit anyone in a hundred mile radius could see me and Brittany were more than friends and two her drinking probably had something to do with that big hickey your trying to cover up so with that said I'll get my shit and be out of your hair, so you can live in this fantasy world where your guilt free and it's my fault"

"Santana wait" he crosses the room and tries to grab my wrist but I wrench it out of his hand shaking my head at him "No you wait I'm tired of having to wait for everything I get, so you wait and see what happens here you 'heal' Ma cause honestly I've never been more disappointed at anyone as I am at the people I called my parents. I'm done here, with the memories and the put downs and the blatant homophobia that come off you two in waves" I huff and turn on my heel leaving him standing there shoulders slumped.

It takes me about fifteen minutes to get everything I need in my car since I've had an inclination that this would happen any day now, with my phone all plugged up I scroll down to Berry and dial her.

"Hello Santana? Hey what happened to you today, I looked for you after Cheerios but Quinn told me to go home she'd tell you to call me"

"And here I am calling you Jesus, I was just wandering if you were ready for that sleep over?" I could hear the smile spreading across her face I pull off in front of her house.

"Yes that sounds good, like right now because I have a bit of cleaning up to do real quick" I watch as she dances around the living room in a little victory dance laughing I shake my head "Yeah I'll be there in a minute okay?"

She says yes and I rest in my seat for a minute before grabbing my backpack and swinging it on my shoulders popping my trunk and grabbing my cheerios uniform and some fresh underwear shoving it in the front pocket.

Rachel flung the door open as soon as I rang the bell "That was a lot quicker than I expected" I shrug "I was already kind of here" I see as the blush starts to settle on her cheeks "Aw, don't worry Berry I only seen most of your dance before I couldn't see you anymore" I laugh and sling my arm over her shoulders.

As I start chilling out in her room, watching as she bustles about picking things up and getting the guest room ready I try and see her through Quinn's eyes, I mean I see like how she likes her body bellow the neck she had some awesome legs but I thought that was moot because she was annoying then again she had a really nice smile, but the nose kind of threw that off unless Q liked it or something I'll have to ask her.

"Not that I don't appreciate you staring at me I was wandering if you were hungry? We already had dinner but we could go out and get something if you'd like. I know that you don't really appreciate vegan food even though we had steamed veggies tonight and they were delicious"

"No thanks not much an appetite, but thanks for offering and letting me stay tonight I couldn't really ask anyone else without getting embarrassed"

"Well we planned this remember? It's totally fine, but if I'm not pushing my limit why didn't you call last night? I would have said yes and if once again not prying but why were you even sleeping in your car did your dad come home last night?"

I nod once and recant everything that happened last night and everything that happened in the locker room between Brittany, and me Rachel sits down next to me on the bed and true to her word listens humming sympathetically sometimes.

" You really had sex on your parents bed in their room, isn't that sort of unhygienic not to mention kind of disturbing?"

"Well B was pretty hammered because she accidently drank the spiked punch and she's not much of a drinker and I was kind of tipsy myself so we just ended up where we ended up" Berry's face is priceless like she's trying to comprehend but her brain wasn't computing I was waiting for the smoke to start coming out of her ears "And I guess it was like on my bucket list to do it in my parent's room just to spite them"

"I can't even imagine," she says shaking her head.

I smile mischievously "Well maybe someday you and Quinn can do it in your-" she points her finger at me trying to glare but it wasn't really working out for her, that and the fact she was holding back a laugh.

"Don't even finish that sentence Santana Lopez, it's gross not to mention the fact that-" she goes on a tangent spitting out fax and logistics about a whole bunch of shit that I really didn't give two fucks about.

"Okay I get it shut up already" we sit in silence for a minute looking at each other "So, after tonight do you have somewhere else to stay? Because you know I can ask my dad's if it would be okay for you to reside here for some time so I mean do you want to stay here?"

Yes, "No"

I see how crestfallen Berry looks and it makes me feel kind of bad "I mean I already worked some stuff out with someone else so I think I'm good but if you want we could have more of these things" she smiles big and pulls me into a hug.

"You know you don't have to do everything alone there's a whole bunch of people willing to help" she says patting my back and raising up " But seeing as it is still a school night I'm going to have to ask you to go to bed now"

I nod and pause in the door way "Hey um thanks, again for tonight" she smiles and nods flipping her alarm on "See you tomorrow"

I nod and find the guest room down the hall snuggling down into the unfamiliar bed that swell that's been in my throat since yesterday finally bust loose, and next thing I know Rachel's there humming me to sleep.


	13. Chapter 12: You Wouldn't Like Me

**A/N: Chapter twelve :) finally sorry it took so long please review!**

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Chapter 12

You Wouldn't Like Me

7:30 am

I've been staring at the clock since about six something trying to figure out a way to detangle myself from Rachel without waking her up, she must have dozed off right after I got done with the water works, in the process clinging to me like freaking Velcro but I must say I did have a very restful night and I was feeling energized.

I wander if she's going to be pissed that she didn't get to do her work out this morning, and how long did it take her to get ready? Maybe I should nudge her or something get her off of me and get her motivated to get ready.

"Ouch what the heck" she says after her I 'nudge' her off the bed onto the floor I get up and stretch acting innocent "Oh good morning Berry you should be careful not to sleep so close to the edge of the bed next time" I laugh as I walk into the bathroom to unleash the freaking Hoover dam of piss that I've been holding in for way to long.

When I walk back out I notice Rachel's back in the bed wrapped up in the comforter snuggled down near the middle of the bed in a ball it would have been cute if it wasn't so aggravating that we're going to be late and she'd bitch about my driving or something "Hey, Berry" I kick the bed a couple times "Get up we have like half an hour to get ready before school"

She mumbles something so I yank the blanket off of her "What was that I couldn't hear you deary you needs to speak up my ears aren't good a they used to be" She sits up and I think she finally got the Santana Lopez patent glare down which makes me internally smile.

"I wouldn't be so tired if I wasn't chasing you around the house all night, did you know you still sleep walked, even though I distinctly remember you telling me that you handled that problem? And don't give me that shrug did you know you get violent when waking up from said sleep walking?" she pulls her shirt down a little and shows me the light bruise that's forming near her collar bone that if I was testy enough I bet my hand would fit perfectly on it.

"Oh shit I'm sorry I didn't even think to warn you that I'm still struggling with my little problem" Berry grumbles before laying back down, shrugging I grab my backpack with all my shit in it and start to get ready.

When I walk back out were running a bit behind schedule and Rachel's rushing around downstairs throwing things to where her bag sat near the door, she was like the Tasmanian devil or something I notice Keith leaning against the kitchen door frame chuckling into his coffee mug.

I pause and look him over the other night at dinner I didn't really pay attention since Jerome was being a dick to me. Well he was short like Rachel and he had the honker to boot too, wire framed glasses crookedly on his nose but if you looked past that I could tell he was in really good shape, he looked like that dorky professor that you couldn't help but like.

"You should have saw her last night chasing you about trying to get you up it was quite entertaining" I blush and look at my shoes seeing my look he laughs "Oh, don't worry about it hun trust me it was funny even Jerome was chuckling, at one point she got the pots and pans out yelling how you were like a zombie" he mimics the motion I guess I was making, though I'd put money he exaggerated a bit.

I laugh and Rachel sends a glare our way "Are you ready?" she growls before throwing open the front door and storming out I roll my eyes and wave bye to Mr. Berry before following the little diva outside.

"I'm not going to put up with a hissy fit this morning so get that out of your head right now, girl" I say as I slide into the driver side of the car looking over at Rachel who has this weird look on her face she's staring straight ahead I try and stretch to see what she see's but her head snaps over to me and I stifle a scream because her eyes are all white.

"**TODAY" **Echoes around the car seeming to bounce around the entire of the car in a voice that was defiantly not Rachel's I sit shell shocked staring at the diva before her arms re cross and she's staring at me weird waving her hand in my face as her eyes start to lighten back up slowly it's the weirdest thing I've ever saw, and I've seen a lot of shit in my sixteen years.

"Are we going to go to school or just sit here? Because as of, lets see two minutes ago my perfect attendance since pre-k is tarnished thanks to you and your stupid sleep walking and the bruise is making just sitting here uncomfortable so I have to thank you for that too."

"Maybe you should drive" she see's I'm a little shaken up and switches sides with me, "Are you sure your rested maybe we should skip today you kind of had a big day yesterday" I shake my head as my brain starts to process what that little message was. Foreshadowing to what the White man told me.

When we arrive at school I search everywhere and trail around Brittany and Artie, which isn't that hard B isn't very observant and Artie is, just I don't know, so I stay near by them all day skipping classes and everything lunch I all but sit right between them which earns me a bunch of confused looks and a glare from Artie.

I even follow Artie and B to their date after school trailing behind Arties dad's Van that happens to be at the place I hate more than my own home, the park. I watch as they do sick coupley stuff eating ice cream, laughing, making out all the shit that makes me want to hurl and I watch with a nervous stomach as B starts to feed the ducks by the dock Artie watching smiling from the sidewalk since he probably can't wheel over the gravel and he was totally checking out her ass pervert.

As I glared at Artie I saw as B leaned a little to far over the docks edge tipping over into the water Artie started yelling for help but I was already diving into the water, B was sinking like a dead weight.

I swim as hard as I can gripping onto her upper arm dragging her back up to the dock bracing myself onto a beam I lift her up and over and someone reaches in and pulls me out along with her catching me by surprise I inhale a bunch of water.

"Ma'am? Ma'am are you okay" A tall life guard looking guy says I start coughing and nodding lifting up seeing another Park Ranger pumping B's chest until a shit load of water comes out of her mouth.

"I'm not a mermaid?" is the first thing out of her mouth and I laugh Artie is pale next to where she is laying as I stand up to leave, everyone is fussing over Brittany she won't notice me and neither will they that'll would keep things simple.

I'm halfway to my car when I hear the crunching of something or someone rolling up on me "Hey, Santana could you uh wait up?"

I grind my teeth and turn around "What wheels I'm in a hurry I can't sit around in wet clothes you know" I snap I see him shrink down in his chair giving me a confidence boost.

"I just wanted to thank you, I didn't know Brittany couldn't swim" I shrug rolling my eyes turning my back on him to go to my car "But just because you did that doesn't mean I'm backing down, it just means I have to work harder just so you know"

The urge to kick his chair in the lake was one hard to suppress really it was but I just glare "Didn't ask you too" I walk over to him and lower to his level "But just so you know I'm not giving up, she's mine and will always be my goal" I hiss and turn back to get to my car so I could strip off this wet uniform and find somewhere to park and sleep for the night, somewhere Jew Fro won't be able to find me.


	14. Chapter 13: Burn Your Life Down

**A/n: Sorry it's taking song long to update, I know I suck ): I haven't been very inspired lately but expect the next update by at least friday**.

**Don't Own Glee**

**_Reviews  
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Chapter 13

Burn Your Life Down

"San? Do you know what time it is?" Quinn said rubbing her eyes and squinting at me as I stand in her doorway duffle bag slung across my shoulder, I smile sweetly at her.

"It's only eleven Quinn Jesus it's Friday why are you going to bed so early anyways? Live a little" I say brushing past her so I don't have to stand outside any longer. This week has been hell to say the least, basically Artie took credit for saving B saying he yelled for help, she believed him and they were just as lovey fucking dovie as ever. Kill me now.

Me I've been having these little sleep over's with some Cheerios and Everyone in Glee Club it seemed for this past week citing I didn't want to go home for various reasons. I got slushied for the first time ever by some Hockey player calling me a Homo Hobo, which was bullshit, and he regretted it as soon as the icy corn syrup hit my face.

"San, are you okay? Like seriously don't give me the crap you've said to everyone else be honest with me" she pulled my bag off my shoulder slinging it across her own leading me to her room she threw my bag in the corner by her desk and pushed me gently onto the bed sitting beside me, I took the time to gather my answer and to make sure my emotions were in check I didn't want to get all weepy.

"I just… I love her so much you know? I'd do anything for her, shit I have done everything I could for her and it's gotten me nothing except heart ache it seems" she looks away from me biting her lip.

"I know exactly how you feel" I watch how her face stays the same old Quinn Fabray Poker face, but behind her eyes I see all the conflicting emotions dancing behind her façade, I wanted to reach over and pull her into a hug but that might make things awkward so I stay put.

"Quinn do you have guest?" Quinn's mom breezes into her room smiling but that soon dropped when she saw it was me "Oh… Santana it's you" to say things were getting awkward would be a major understatement Judy was just standing there hands on hips staring at me and Quinn looked guilty twisting her hands looking down at the floor.

"Thanks for the help with that thing Quinn I'll see you on Monday at Cheerios" I get up and grab my bag off the floor I can tell when I'm not wanted I brush past Judy and she visibly shudders, I make sure to slam the front door as I leave.

I often forget how close my parents are to the Fabrays so I should have known Judy would react that way, I kinda feel bad for Quinn because she has to live in that repressive environment, shoving her deeper and deeper into the closet. Even though you would think after the divorce and shit Judy's stick that was up her ass would have popped out but I guess not.

I've stayed with the Berry's three times already this week on Sunday, Monday, Wednesday so I wasn't about to go there again it might look suspicious or more like the accurate term desperate and I spent the night at Puck's house yesterday and with a cheerio named Sandy on Tuesday. Quinn obviously couldn't keep me there and I would have stayed with Mercedes tonight but her Brother was home and they were going to some Movie thing. I knew my options were limited because I wasn't the friendliest person in Lima and I knew if I asked anyone else they would come up with a million excuses as to why they couldn't hang out with me.

I know my last option, I know it's going to kill me but I sighed and pulled over at a gas station pulling out a bunch of quarters shoving them into the pay phone waiting for the dial tone to stop.

"Hello?"

I sigh into the phone keeping it a few inches from my face God only knows where this phone has been, "Yeah hey B it's me".

"Sanny? Hey what's this number where's your cell I've been texting you all night" My parents finally caught on to the fact I was still on there plan I guess and had turned my phone off this morning.

"Yeah I lost it I was wandering if you wanted to hang out right now or something" She squeals into the phone "YES! Come over I miss you so, so, so, so, so, so much! But it's kind of late so I'll wait for you on the porch K?"

"Yeah sounds good I lo… See you in a sec" I hang up sliding the disgusting phone back on it's hook, walking back over to my car and fill up the tank with my dwindling cash flow. I pull up to the Peirce place about seven minutes later B was sitting on the porch in only her Bra and some short shorts smiling focused on a blade of grass between her fingers that she was tearing up and flicking off of her knee.

"B what the hell? Where are your clothes?" I say jogging over to her she smiles instantly wrapping her arms around me bringing her face to mine locking our lips, and now I know where her clothes are probably strewn wherever she got the tequila from.

"Did you go to a party tonight?" she smiles and nods brushing her nose back and forth across mine "Yup, Rachel had a party she tried calling you but I guess since your phone is gone you wouldn't know huh? Come on I wanna dance Sanyo" she grabs my hand and drags me up the stairs behind her not being very quiet stumbling into the walls and giggling. Spinning like a ballerina in the hallway all the way into her room I went behind her and straightened the pictures all the wall that she was making crooked with her constant banging I'm surprised her Mom and Dad weren't out here yet. I watch standing by her bed as she dances around her room for a bit dancing to some song that I couldn't hear making me laugh because even drunk she was the best dancer I knew.

Shutting and locking the door she skips back over to me pushing me back onto the bed straddling my hips locking her hands behind my head. I should have stopped her said no and told her we couldn't do this while she was going out with the cripple and on top of that she was drunk too that just made it even worse it was like me taking advantage of the situation.

"San?" she mumbled resting her head down onto my shoulder I brush my fingers over her hair missing this closeness we used to always have "Yeah Brit Brit" I whisper wrapping my arms around her back pulling her closer trying to control myself but it was getting increasingly harder as I felt her breath fluttering across my neck.

"I want to break up with Artie" she brings her head back up and locks her eyes onto mine "He lied to me" my stomach clinches and I start seeing red. "About what Brit? Cause I'll rip him a new one if he cheated on you, I knew he would go back to Tina, I'm going to shove him down some fucking stairs Imma end him".

She giggles shaking her head "No he said he saved me but I saw you walking away silly. I couldn't catch you all week at school and now you're here and I loves you so, so much an… and I" she yawns resting back onto my shoulder mumbling some more before drifting off.

I shift her around so she's laying on the bed with me next to her, I watch her sleep for awhile before I feel my own eyes getting heavier I snuggle closer to her wrapping my arms around her tightly burying my head into her hair breathing in the honey sweet shampoo she uses.

"I love you too Brittany Susan Peirce".

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"Brittany wake up oh Santana hey" Brit's Mom says smiling at me when I raise my head up looking around the brightly lit room, Brittany raised up next to me her hair all over the place making me laugh and pull her into me tighter.

"Well I'll just go and make some Breakfast you two just uh catch up" she says smiling gently closing the door behind her she looked pretty smug about something. "I thought you locked that last night" I say confused putting my head back down on the pillow; Brittany does the same facing me.

"I don't know I don't remember much from last night" she sighs and honestly at first I feel a little disappointed but I should have expected it seeing how my face dropped her giggles and brushes her lips against mine pulling away slightly but still close enough her lips were touching mine "I said much from last night, I remember the important stuff though".

I chuckle but freeze as she tries to pull me in for another kiss trying to make it deeper hands starting to roam in a familiar way "We uh should wait until you break up with Wheels before we do anything more than kissing" she frowns but nods sitting up stretching trying to flatten out her messy bed head.

"I should have never broken up with you, Sanny", I sigh throwing an arm over my face I already hate where this conversation is going "B it's fine I think you just needed space or something don't even worry about it, I was being weird I know, I understand you and Artie and whatever you guys had and did"

"Me and Artie didn't do anything though like sex, he wanted to but I said no cause I knew it make you sad" I smile big happy that we avoided that debacle at least. Way back in another universe where shit never worked out for me the thought of Artie and B doing it made me want to vomit but at least she was smarter this time.

"It's fine lets just go gets us some breakfast and you some water I'm sure you need it with all you drank last night" she nods taking my pinky in hers as I stand up walking swinging our arms back and forth into the kitchen where her mom was whipping up some Pancakes.

"I love you S" Brittany whispers as she takes the seat next to mine laying her hand onto my thigh.

"I love you too Brittany"

"So girls! Big plans for today or are you just hanging around here?" Mrs. Peirce turns holding a big plate of pancakes sitting it down in the center of the table "Your sister is staying with her friend Hailie and going to school with her tomorrow and Dad's still out of town so it would just be us".

Brittany's looking at me probably waiting for my answer and her mom is gazing at me the same way it's kind of eerie how alike they look both using puppy dog eyes and pouts it was to much "Uh we'll stay here I guess" Her Mom breaks out into a huge grin "Perfect well dig in girlies".

After breakfast I'm curled up on the floor laying on a group of pillows by the couch like I always did when we watched movies Brittany was right above me drawing lazy patterns up and down my arm staring aimlessly at the Lifetime movie her mom was making us watch, not that I'd admit it but it was tearing me up a bit. When it goes to commercial I start to stand up cause my legs were getting sore from the way I was laying but Brittany just yanks my hand pulling me down next to her, her mom glances over smiling then turned back to the TV.

"Will you stay with us?" Brittany whispers into my hair making me shiver I turn over slowly so we're nose-to-nose " Yeah for tonight" I whisper back.

"No, for good no more sleeping everywhere I always worry about you"

"B no…"

"S no your staying with us mom already said yes" she says forcefully giving me a stern look kind of turning me on, she never got like this all commando and shit. "I like this side of you" I say smirking raising an eyebrow she giggles and lightly pecks my lips twisting me back toward the TV. Lynn throws the remote over to the couch clipping the top of Brittany's head making her wince probably from the massive hangover she was trying to hide "Here you two watch something I need to run some errands" She slips on a pair of pink Crocs and a light jacket.

She stops at the door "Santana do you want to come with? Brittany's grounded for getting wasted last night kept me up half the night with all that banging" Brittany starts to protest but I clap my hand over her mouth so she doesn't dig herself deeper "Yeah that sounds cool let me go get changed and some shoes on" I run up the stairs quickly throwing together an outfit of skinny jeans and a Cheerios T shirt grabbing my camo jacket before rushing back down the steps.

Lynn is already in the car Brittany leaning up against the front door frame pouting "I thought I got away with it I was like a super ninja last night" I snort shaking my head hugging her "No quite the opposite girl you were running around basically naked being super loud dancing everywhere, but it was cute" she rolls her eyes "Have fun with my evil mom" I smirk and turn toward the car.

The ride to wherever was quiet only the radio playing jazz softly we're at a stop light when Lynn finally looks over at me sort of taking me in "So how have you been Santana? Me and John have been wandering where you've been".

"Oh I've been around things just got weird me and Brit for a bit while she was going out with the crip... Uh Artie" she snorts catching me off guard "You can call him that not to be mean but behind closed doors me and John call him that to, he was all wrong for her" she glances lovingly over to me as we begin driving again "He belittled her it seemed, you won me twenty bucks though this morning".

"How?" I ask confused she smiles as we pull into the parking lot of the grocery store "Well John thought that it would take a bit longer for the two of you to get back together, I gave this break up until the end of this month though"

I laugh as we grab a cart I wish my parents were more like B's they were perfect in every since of the word that's why both of their kids were perfect "So B said you know about my situation" I mumble clinching the handle of the cart she nods and pulls out a list.

"We don't have to talk about it if you don't want to but just know you were always welcome in our house it shouldn't have took you as long as it did to get there though but Brittany told us not to push you" she says throwing a few thing in the cart before glancing up at me.

"And last night was an exception for the door rule but that door better stay open from now on" she grabs a jug of milk "Or else your both grounded and you'll be in the guest room forever" she gives me an 'evil' look before busting up.

"Yeah B was crazy last night" I say shaking my head I see the face Lynn's making and I instantly blush "Well I mean she was acting crazy not that she got crazy or we got crazy I just meant that…"

Lynn holds up her hand cutting me off " Your such a worry wart Santana we have thin walls I would have known if you guys did anything Brittany doesn't have a quiet bone in her body I know that".

If only she knew how quiet Brit's could be sometimes living there might just have its perks actually.


	15. Chapter 14: Red Belt

**I'm not afraid to say I need help seriously, I do like if you wanna help inspire me or through some ideas this way I'd give you so many cookies it'd be crazy. The reason it took me so long to update is there was a lot of life going on and I couldn't break away to envision Santana's for this story, like my mind wouldn't go to that place. But it's slowly coming back to me and I'm in desperate need of someone for inspiration and guidance.**

**Also thanks to all the reviewers and people who still add my story even though I haven't updated in lord knows how long! I appreciate you and you're what made this chapter happen!  
**

**Glee's not mine if it was there would be a lot of long hiatuses,**

**also I now have a tumblr and it be cool if you wanna drop in my ask Ideas or yell at me for taking to long to update or PM me on here  
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**vandalism voland .tumblr . com**

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Chapter 14

Red Belt

"This is dumb really, really dumb" I say looking out the window at the big Grey building looming over me intimidatingly Lynn reaches over and squeezes my arm reassuringly and Brittany wraps her arm around my neck from behind brushing her lips over my cheek pecking it over and over again until I crack a small smile, a nice change from the scowl I've been sporting since I found out we were not in fact going to Breadstix this afternoon but to a shrink cause apparently I've been 'moody'. Maybe if B's stupid cat would have left me alone while I was getting my workout on I wouldn't have had to drop kick him into the neighbors yard (which trust me isn't easy considering that dumb ass cat weighs more than me) and maybe if the sleep walking would let up cause apparently John didn't appreciate my perfect punch to his jaw after he tried to wake me up the other night.

"Well, Santana" Lynn says clearing her throat trying to get that authorities edge in it probably from having to hear me rant for the last half an hour "You said the other night at dinner that you'd consider it" she holds up a finger when I go to interrupt her " And we've already paid for it so you might as well use this one time, hey maybe you'll like getting stuff off your chest and be a little less violent toward the living creatures in my home".

I sigh and Britt nuzzles me before she slides out of the car opening my door and tugging impatiently at my arm " Maybe it'll be fun and if it's not I promise awesome sexy times for later!" she says excitedly jumping up and down before sliding into the front by her Mom who whacked the back of her head "Brittany Susan Peirce there will be no sexy times later! Not in my house anyways"

This didn't deter Brittany who just rolled her eyes and wiggled her eyebrows in a very Puckish way, I should probably stop inviting her to me and Puck's 'bro nights' "Whatever you say mom we'll be back in half an hour we'll even bring you Breadstix!"

I sigh again looking back at the building squaring my shoulders walking toward it a HBIC attitude in place, I've faced far scarier things. When I open the door the receptionist barely looks at me before shoving a clipboard under my nose instructing me to fill in the bubbles with the most recent and honest answer ten being the worst one being the best. I sit in one of the shitty plastic chairs and look around repeating my mantra head over and over 'this isn't because I'm crazy it's because I have a lot on my chest'. I look over the questionnaire questions ranging from if I ever feel like I'm overwhelmingly happy to whether or not I contemplate suicide on daily or weekly bases.

A smartly dressed woman in her early to mid fifties comes out with a warm smile "Santana Lopez?" she says looking around even though I'm the only person in the area. She raises a perfectly penciled eyebrow when I dumbly raise my hand, she chuckles and jesters for me to follow her into the back.

Her office is really nice; it kind of reminded me of my Grandpa's before he passed. It had a large bookshelf on one wall; a huge desk with a Mac on it and a lounger across from a large ornate armchair in the middle of the room the seating was pretty obvious.

"My name is Dr. Brannon so this session is kind of for me to get to know you better, so we can figure out where to start" I nod as she smiles calmly at me, probably trying to make me comfortable "So anything off the top of your head you want to maybe share with me?"

"I'm gay" is the first thing I blurt out, I expected a reproachful look or her lip to curl up in disgust even though I've been living in little dream bubble with the Pierces where gay is okay I know I still live in small minded Lima, Ohio where anything abnormal was not wanted nor accepted but she smiles and nods after I sit there stiffly frozen for a couple minutes waiting for the inevitable reaction.

"Is that all I need to know or is there more?" she's chuckling and I kind of feel like she's mocking me, who is this bitch who thinks that she can just blow off one of the hardest things for me to accept let alone say out loud, I feel my scowl slowly start to creep back on my face.

" Yeah, well I'm the hottest piece of action that McKinley high has ever seen, I hate almost everyone there, I've been in a shit load of fights, I used to be popular" my voice cracks at that one but I clear my throat and barrel forward "I was homeless, alone, I have no contact with any of my family, and my worst enemy has somehow become my best friend, and my best friend into my girlfriend, I can't wait to get he fuck out of Ohio and I want to be a performer as soon as I graduate from University with a degree in Musical Production, and I goes where my Brits goes" yeah I'm not a square there's more than four sides to me.

She nods smiling again before scribbling on the clipboard I gave her at the beginning of the session "Santana this is a great start" I splutter, "Start? That's like everything about me!"

She smiles "I bet there plenty more to find out about you, but we'll save that for some other time right now we're going to do some exercises" she ask me more dumb question about my anger levels and we do this stupid memory games thing that makes me feel like a toddler.

At the end of the session she walks me to the parking lot she pulls out a notebook and hands it to me "I want you to start writing things down as soon as something starts to bother you record it in here and bring it to your next session".

"It won't work," I mumble taking the notebook anyways vaguely remembering how when all this shit started, I tried this just for it to be wiped clean by that dumb white man. She eyes me before nodding " Well lets just give it a try" I shrug sliding the light blue notebook into my purse as Lynn and Brittany pull up. Brittany is frantically waving around a bag of take out Breadstix a huge smile stretched on her perfect face, my own smile mirrors hers instantly.

"Is that your best friend turned girlfriend?" I nod still smiling before turning back to the doctor "Uh, so who should we call for you know…" she waits for me to continue raising that damn eyebrow again "Another appointment" she smiles and nods, "Yes that sounds good I'll have my secretary set something up for you".

I slip into the backseat looking down at my lap embarrassed even though I know going to a therapist doesn't make me crazy it means I'm trying to understand myself better or whatever shit the doctor told me. Brittany hops over the divider and slips into the backseat basically sitting on my lap rubbing her nose playfully along the top of my head. "I missed you so much San how was it? Did it totally suck? Mom said that if you seemed down she'd get everyone out of the house so I could totally rock your worl…."

"Brittan Susan Peirce don't you think about finishing that sentence" She glares back at her daughter even though her eyes are betraying her showing her mirth at her daughters unfiltered mouth "I said no such thing and get in your own seat, but really dear how did it go?" Brittany slides off of me to the other side of the car throwing her legs across my lap I look into those clear blue eyes and smile, "It was fine I guess," I sigh biting my lip, "Maybe another appointment wouldn't hurt" Lynn nods smiling that famous one million watt Peirce smile.

"That sounds great Santana, I'm really proud of you" Lynn says before passing back the bags of food that had been torturing my stomach since I got in the car "We even got you extra 'Stix just in case it totally sucked and you needed a pick me up" Brittany says making her mom chuckle as she turned on the road to head home.

I let out a loud moan as soon as the delicious treat reaches my tongue making both the other women in the car raise their eyebrows "What? I love these things okay, this is the best part of my day" Brittany gives me a look "The second best I mean" she smiles before pecking my lips and stealing a bite of my Stix.


	16. Chapter 15: In Your Head

**Hey **

**I don't own Glee**

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Chapter 15

In Your Head

I was shoving all the shit I didn't need from school into my locker when I smelled a nauseating amount of Axe body spray and beer behind me I knew who it was without even turning around "What do you want Puckerman" I turn to see him smiling in that sleazy way of his he props his arm up above my head and smirks " I just got the new Call of Duty, double the maps and violence" he whispers in my ear almost in a seducing way knowing the temptation of the game would be to much for me to say no to some quality bro time.

"And all you need to do to get a one way ticket on this awesome Puckosaurus sponsored gore train is ditch the girlfriend for a night and come over for a 24 hour adrenaline crazed blood fest" I glare up at him pulling out my back pack and slamming my locker shut turning the dial on the lock twice before growling out "Why can't Brit come too?"

He sighs and drops his arm rubbing his forehead looking at me as if I'm slow "Lopez come on every time you bring her all you guys do is make out and that used to be fun for me too, adding a ton to my spank bank but now it's annoying that and the fact that she can't go two seconds without asking a million questions about the game that I don't even know the answer to. As my honorary lezbro you should know Bro tip numero Uno Bro's before hoes"

I bite my lip the other day Rachel said something along the same lines when I blew her off she said I have a co dependency problem with Brittany that's borderline unhealthy but it's just because I don't want her out of my sight incase something happens or the white man comes back. Puck's looking at me expectantly before rolling his eyes "Whatever I'll just call Finn and see if he wants to break the game in with me" I sigh before running to catch up with him putting a hand on his shoulder " I'll be there at nine okay cry baby" I slug his shoulder and walk toward the car lot where Brittany is waiting for me next to my car smiling brightly twirling around a long blade of grass.

I unlock the doors and slide into the driver seat gunning it out of the parking lot as quick as I can "San I was thinking that maybe tonight we could have a movie marathon or something Mom and Dad are going out and it'll only take a minute for my sister to go to bed" she trails her fingers up my thigh smiling, thoughts of Pucks face flood my mind him shaking his head and muttering about the 'Bro Code'.

"I made plans for tonight already Britt" I glance over at her face seeing it scrunched up in confusion.

"What're we doing?" She asked, making me sigh.

"I'm going to Pucks he wants to hang out" her brow is still furrowed so I add "Just me and him" I see it slowly dawn on her she mutters out a soft "Oh".

"But if you want me to stay home" she holds up her hand and shakes her head smiling again "No go have fun with Puck I could always invite Becky over or something" I nod parking in front of the Peirce residence.

Brittany grabs my hand as we walk through the front door going straight into the kitchen Brittany calling out for her Mom. Our jaws drop when she walks into the kitchen in a tight black dress that shows off the tiniest hint of cleavage and red high heals that open up at the toes, she looked fine as hell I felt my face warming up a bit, she twirled around smiling "Whatcha guys think?"

I just nod because words aren't forming properly in my mouth right now Brittany nudges me "I think you look super hot Mom, Dad will love it." Lynn smiles before looking at me raising an eyebrow "Santana you look a little flushed you okay honey" I nod before turning to the fridge to grab a bottle of water.

" Will you girls be okay by yourselves here tonight? Or better yet will you two follow the rules I've posted on the door?" Lynn the practical joker she is last week posted a long list of rules on Brittany's door specifying things we were allowed to do in her room and things we weren't it was very specific and quite detailed leaving little room for loop holes, because she knew if she left any leg room me and Brittany would find away around it.

"Santana's going to Pucks tonight" Brittany said grabbing my water bottle and chugging the rest of it then sarcastically added "They need bro time without girlfriends apparently" Lynn nodded "Oh well behave yourselves I guess I want you home by 11 Santana no later got it you have therapy tomorrow morning and I don't want to have to drag your lazy ass out of bed like last Saturday."

I smile and nod as she makes her way to the door "We'll be home kind of late don't wait up" then she snapped the door closed behind her.

"So I guess you should start getting ready to hang out with Puck" Brittany said turning facing away from me as soon as the door had shut. Santana looked at her girlfriend confused " B baby I don't have to be there for a few hours I thought maybe we could gets our cuddles on and pop in a little South of Nowhere"

"No I have to much homework sorry" she left the kitchen and I was hot on her heals.

"Hey, Brittany chica why are you all moody all of a sudden?"

Brittany whipped around sporting an annoyed face " I'm not being Moody San this isn't Harry Potter and I have both my eyes" before she turned on her heal and shut the bedroom door in her face.

'So I obviously did something' Santana thought knocking lightly on the locked door "Britt I don't want you to be angry with me. What did I do, I can't leave knowing I did something wrong"

Brittany unlocked the door and let Santana walk in before shutting it again sitting crossed legged on the edge of the bed while Santana stuck near the closed door leaning up against it " I'm not a bro" Brittany mumbled sadly making Santana raise an eyebrow in a very Quinnish way " I've been trying really hard when I hang out with you and Puck but I'm not good enough to be a lezbro"

Santana chuckled which earned her a glare from Brittany "Britts it's not that you're not a bro it's just… Uh, well me and Puck have been doing this since forever and he just really wants a night just for us and the game we're playing is kind of gross but I promise when I get home we can break out Viva Piñata and have our own bro time okay"?

Brittany nods sadly Santana walks over to her before leaning down and capturing her lips, pulling away slowly smiling widely " I love you Miss Peirce" she said bopping Brittany's nose with the tip of her finger " And you're worth much more than any of my bro's" she adds before tackling her to the bed she's still wanted to get her cuddles on.


	17. Chapter 16: The A Team

**AN: It's been so long since I've wrote on this story and I'm so so so sorry I joined the Army and have been beyond busy with training and traveling and moving and all kinds of other crazy stuff but I'm going to try to wrap this story up in like the next 6 chapters hopefully everything works out.**

**Also I don't own Glee and with the way this season is going I don't want too.**

Chapter 16

The A Team

"Holy shit Santana!" Puck says throwing his remote on the floor, pissed I've been destroying his ass in this free for all match on COD "I should have just invited Finn over". I smirk placing my remote on the table in front of me "Yeah maybe you should have squirrel head I might be to much of a challenge for you.

He growls out something before stalking off into the kitchen probably to grab another Red Bull. I check the time on my phone seeing that eleven o' clock is fast approaching and I really didn't want to piss Brit's mom off especially since she's waking up early to take me to therapy. Puck comes back in with two drinks shaking his head "Where'd you even learn to play like that cause I know I didn't fucking teach you".

I shrug "Don't hate the player hate the game all you have to do is press all the buttons it's not rocket science, but hey I gotta gets goin' I have shit to do tomorrow morning". He gives me a hug and I leave wrapping my sweater tightly around me the temperature dropped a ton since earlier today.

I don't know why but lately my memories been shit like I've been trying to remember things from my… what is it alternate universe? My old future? Whatever. She makes me talk about that shit a lot and I hate it. I hate breaking down in front of people but especially her, she just sits there and nods and writes, she never even shows me what she's writing in that damn note pad. Shit kills me.

I unlock the door and find Brittany snuggled up a duck blanket wrapped around her Family Guy playing softly on the TV in front of her and the scene just makes my heart melt. People may see me as a monster but this right here. This is why I'm doing it. For her. I nudge her awake "hey baby" she lazily smiles up at me "Did you have fun with Puck?"

I smile back at her and nod "But it what have been a lot more fun if you were there" I lean in and kiss her softly "Why don't you scoot on over so I can join you". She makes room and I curl up next her breathing in everything Brittany.

Brittany shifts so she can wrap herself around me "I love you Santana" she says kissing the back of my head. I smile getting those damn butterflies every time she says that to me.

"I don't want to go to therapy tomorrow" I mumble more to myself than her because the thought just ruins my Brittany high, she giggles and squeezes me "But if you're good you get Breadstix and sexy time".

"Yeah but I still have t go see that doctor and she gives me the heebie jeebies" I hear Brittany snort, "What what's funny"

"Oh nothing just the big bad Santana Lopez being freaked out by someone" she said rolling over so she's straddling me "It's kinda hot".

I raise an eyebrow "How so?" she just shrugs leaning down and giving me a long kiss, as soon as I feel that tongue flick out I know she means business.

"OH HELL NO SEPARATE, SEPARATE!" Lynn says rushing in with a spray bottle John leans against the entry way awkwardly "I told you two before I left didn't I" Lynn says wagging her finger.

"MOMMMM" Brittany whines but Lynn just shakes her head, "No nope don't wanna hear it bed both of you, separate beds" she must have saw my smirk.

"What was that Brittany Susan?" she says giving Brittany the mom look. "Nothing mom just can't wait for tomorrow."

"Right bed both of you."


End file.
